Anatomy of persuasion
Erdem Karagöz
Hi, everyone, my name is Erdem Karagöz. I am here for your course named Persuasion Machine. Welcome. You will be transforming into a persuasion machine in an expert level. I am thrilled to have you in this course, to experience this excellent program with me.
I have been educating in this field of persuasion for 14 years. Until today approximately 21.000 people joined my class educations. I created persuasion case studies for 100 companies. I worked with many expert instructors and wrote books about persuasion. This course, you are taking right now has been turned into a book.
I know how to improve your professional and private life skills, actually ı know how to reveal your existing potential. You may be wondering what these potentials and skills are. Don’t you remember when you are at 3-4 ages how you could ask questions freely and the things that you have done to get what you want.
We are going to start a journey into being an expert in this field with you.
I love teaching and touching people lives. So, in this course i am sharing all of my knowledge and experience. You must know that i will always develop my course with your feedback.
Persuasion is definitely a skill that can be improved. You should focus on the techniques that you learned at the end of the course and practice a lot. You won’t believe the rate of change. Let yourself to go with the flow and focus on interactive education.
What do we do in this course? My primary goal will be the practical information that you can use in your professional and private life.
Preparation of this course had been taken approximately 1 year. Course will continue to improve itself continuously like a living organism. So, I will need your feedback and cooperation any moment.
So, what do you think about importance of persuasion machine? Because in last 10 years the emotional energy of the world experiencing a great collapse. People are bored, uncertain and distrustful! If you improve yourself more at the field of persuasion you can overcome all these problems.
So, what do you think when you know how to inspire, how to make things clear and how to earn peoples’ sustainable trust? You will notice that why some people successful at every job while the others living in a constant failure and unhappiness loop.
Are you ready to write prescriptions at the field of persuasion like a attending physician? If you are ready to activate your unlimited potential, you should absolutely complete this course.
Before we start, I want to talk about one last issue. I want to offer you a great and joyful experience at this course. Therefore, I will answer all of your questions regularly at question and answer section and I will pay attention to all of your comments and points that you gave me. In any subject if you think that this course doesn’t deserve 5 stars please define that which part should I change or correct. I really like receive feedback from you and improve my course according to your needs. Also, if you think that you gained a positive experience from this course please define which parts you like.
Come on! You can start the game to have all of this as soon as possible. Have it right now and start to enjoy.
What is persuasion and what is not?
Persuasion is the process of developing new attitude, intensify an existing attitude and change an existing attitude.
Persuasion is a form of social influence. It’s a process of guiding people towards to adopt an idea, attitude or action with rational and symbolic ways.
Persuasion isn’t manipulation. Manipulation is forcing somebody to do something that is not for their own interest.
Persuasion is the art of getting the best results for everyone’s benefit. The most important feature of persuasion is being repeatable. Because people do not want to do anything that does not serve their interests. You should always give your attention and energy to the people in front of you. You cannot convince someone if you wouldn’t prepare. You cannot energize anybody without understanding what they want from life. You should reach their fear of losing and desire to win.
Persuasion should be a situation which you really believe and ready to be part of. You should not recommend anything that you do not wish for yourself. Because what you plant now you will harvest later.
Do not forget nobody ever serves someone for nothing forever. So if you want to be a winner you should convince yourself and others that you need to win. You should make them feel that your organization is a winner organization.
Why should we convince?
Projects that we made, jobs that we believe in, wonderful relationships, products that we sell in fact all of these things are persuasion process method of every second in our lives.
Without the persuasion communication our actions will not mean anything. If you do not convince other people with your magnificent ideas, you will see the people who are applying your idea.
You should convince other people to change their perspective, to excite and activate them. Because the truth for others is never real until you convince them.
Do you want to know how? Galileo chose science instead of church when he was forced to deny the thesis that the Earth was rotating around the Sun in the Inquisition Court in 1633.
How would you convince pope and inquisition if you were in Galileos place?
Would you keep this idea secret until you made them believe that this is their idea? Or what else would you do?
Exercise
Come on, be Galileo for a moment and travel in time. How can you really convince the world is rotating around the sun?
Come on, can you share your ideas at the group in the question and answer section?
To eliminate mental resistance, you must convince the opposite side that your minds are in one pot and the same goal!
Advertises worth billions of dollars, politicians seeking for voters with flashy speeches in giant rallies, waiters who want some more tips, friends who are trying to sell you their ideas, all of them want to convince you all the time.
Because to achieve, to survive, to achieve what we want, we need to cooperate briefly with others. In fact, this is a cycle that others need us to survive and achieve as well. In order to get what we want we need to mediate others to get what they want.
The most important reason to convince is to influence the decision-making process of ourselves and others. The fact that the offer is very attractive does not mean that it will be accepted. we need to understand how the person we are talking thinks and what is his/her motives.
If he/she does not think like us yet, we must inspire, understand, mobilize with powerful questions and ensure that he/she is included in the picture of success.
Use all your energy to find out the offer he can't say no and to prove that you have this opportunity.
Self-convince;
The biggest secret of success in persuasion is to convince yourself. The more you believe, the easier it is for you to convince the other person or groups. Self-convinced leaders express this very well with their body language, clarity and process management. Whatever you want to achieve, your brain must feel that it has happened.
Think as you are watching the end of the movie. Imagine that you have a very good contract, you signed your books after a great presentation, your mind must flow that you are with a wonderful woman/man.
Because the brain can't distinguish between reality and dream! To make or imagine a physical movement activates the same areas in our brain. For example, when you imagine the letter B or look at the letter B, the same area of your brain becomes active. Imagine signing with your dominant hand, you will find it strangely close to your actual signature period. When you imagine signing with your other hand, you will find that your real signature also become incredibly slow. Imagination and reality use the same neurological connections in our brains. Imagine a basketball team and how thrilled they would be if they win the game then achieving it in reality.
So do not stop, close your eyes and focus on what you want to achieve by eliminating all obstacles. When you do it in your mind, your body will make normalize this. You won’t even believe your speed of persuasion when you reach strong causes and a large number of reasons.
Your language is very important when persuading yourself. Because we control our brains with the hypnotic patterns of our language.
When you remove the words of excuses from your language (though, if it does), and the
words like; perhaps, probably, the words that do not express clarity, you will be start the magnificently to change. Against each event you will face, you will have started to change outstandingly when and how you concentrate on each event.
The more goals and passions you have and how much you can keep them alive, the better your persuasion skills will be. Because your goals and passions will lead you to cooperation, flexibility and high empathy.
You will be more well-groomed to be able to convince other side, and you will pay more attention to yourself to be liked. Your desire to reach your passions will give you strength to fight. You will enjoy life more and start making a list of victories. As you learn to accomplish a task and gain the ability to repeat it, it won't matter what you lose.
For example, a successful company CEO will never experience any stress when he or she leaves his or her job two years later. Because he knows exactly what to do and how to do it, as he has proven it many times already.
Even if a football coach is fired from the team, he has the power to influence himself and other people all the time about success and the desire to win because he can do very well and repeat it many times.
And when you develop your persuasion skills, intuition and discipline, in short, when you convince yourself, you will start a miraculous change.
FIRST IMPRESSION
People makes decisions about you in 40 milliseconds! Makes a history match in 7 seconds and then puts you in a catalogue. Besides, the brain is making constant decisions about you based on your first record without rehearsing.
So, if you want to convince people, decide in advance how you want to take place in their emotional memory. Because people are willing to take references from the past rather than thinking, questioning, to use the energy in their brains economically.
Moreover, in the first impression, they are always trying to reach you, just as they have defined you. So if this person says he can't take a liking from you , he will focus on your flaws. If he finds you friendly, fun, charismatic, he will never look for any other negative traits, and only record your good traits in the first impression, and he will constantly serve them on his own.
People filter you through hundreds of filters, including values, beliefs, expectations, emotions, and so on. It is impossible to reverse or undo the first impressions. So take care of the first interaction moment. And since you will not know who, when and where you will meet, always be well-groomed, energetic, have peace of mind, caring for the attitude that inspires people to take part in your life.
You know that people with high self-esteem, well-maintained and energetic will meet these expectations. You must make them feel that you are a person who understands what you want and helps them accomplish this for a lifelong time.
It will be easier to interact with you when your story that benefits others reaches before you. At the moment of the first impression, you must be the person who is interested in the story of others, helping them to develop and win. So hold the projection to the other person, and wonder his story!
Your body language, attitude, and clothing are easily recorded in emotional memory. The quality of the relationship will determine by how you treat the person and the environment.
Define yourself with 5 words! Can you make this image feel to the first people you know? Be sure to get feedback on this. How do trusted people make their first impressions? Why is it easier to trust successful, well-known people?
Be sure to be there on time for the first introductions in your private and business life. Because people won't be interested in your “good excuses.” Coming early leaves a much better impression than being late. You are the product, present yourself well. Do not forget to dress according to your environment, to have a fit physique, to be well-groomed, to be energetic, and of course don’t forget to smile!
How to influence in 7 seconds
If we assume that every moment of life is a sale, we need to know the first 7 seconds of impressions and the value it will add. In social life, in sales, in presentations, in short, in the areas of affecting, the first impression will affect the entire process.
Think of the moments when you say I have a feeling that I don't like this man/woman, in these moments, we create an instinctive protection shield. We pass each event through four different filters, including values, beliefs, expectations and emotions that change instantly. More than that, we match and compare. One of the moments in which the middle and lower brain is active is the first encounter. The brain quickly creates short cuts and immediately places them in a catalog. In the first 7 seconds, it determines where you will be located. Even if you make 25-30 moves then, that effect is not easily erased.
Because people don't want to be mistaken, they assess you to justify the first 7 seconds of their minds. So, what we call feeling and intuition is actually our attitude to justify the first records.
You always look for the mistake of the person you think you don't like, and you find it in some way. Those who seeks defects will find defects. That's why the first minute of meeting is incredibly important.
If you are working on selling business than you may have to deal with salesman repulsiveness. This is not your case, but it is a problem that you need to solve. You must show that you are a consultant, a problem solver, and a facilitator.
The first 7 seconds is not just a physical event, it is much more than a very good dress, a good perfume, a physical language training, a sweet smile. You must also transmit mental and spiritual messages. The first meeting is more than a self-esteem show, or being charismatic. You're in the customer's comfort zone, not the boss. Never act, people are so smart, you lose if you act. Be yourself
Make them feel that you are energetic, strong, motivated, peaceful. Smiling breaks resistance, eliminates shields. Your voice is your fingerprint. The tone of voice is the most intimate attitude of a person. Be aware of your tone. Your tone and natural body language are more than 12-13 words you can say in the first 7 seconds. If you repeat your first name with your first name and then your last name to the other person, it will make him to remember your name more easily. When you learn someone's name, looking into eyes and saying his/her name will increase the interaction immediately. Eye contact is your most important domain.
Sincerity, being yourself, being an active listener, taking others to the center of attention will put you in the perfect catalog in the eyes of the other person.
Firstly, you should know which catalogs you want to put in the first 7 seconds. Identify yourself with at least 5 words and observe whether or not you give this message to the other side. 7 seconds is the time to make decisions about you, your products and your company. People will follow you in a way that justifies their first impressions. For these reasons, take trainings, improve your image, follow the pros, and most importantly, be yourself. Really, be yourself!
THE MOMENT OF INTERACTION
How are you affected by someone and how do you make decisions about them? What is your first interaction reference? Someone's clothing, smell, body language, perception of social media, what others say about it, tone of voice, eye contact or touch does affect you?
What kind of first influence do you have at the moment of first interaction with people? Attractive, well-maintained, charismatic, beautiful, knowledgeable, facilitative, friendly, mysterious, smiling, flexible, less-talking, effective listener, very intelligent, gentle. Did you find the 5 words which are defining you in the real world and also in your thoughts?
Interaction is two-way. People are not only affected by people; they are also get affected by objects and events. We change based upon the reactions that we give and receive. A woman or a man you call unattainable, may fall in love with you because of your active listening abilities. Or because you missed an eye contact, it could put you on the dusty shelves of a catalogue of unreliable people.
The moment of interaction is actually the moment of truth and the life cycle. Your first time to meet a brand, your first time to meet a person is very important. Because there is always a gap in the market and there will always be brands and people who want to fill this gap. The experience of the person we face can make him a brand ambassador, a brand fan or a brand enemy. Of course, this interaction applies not only to brands, but to people at any moment.
Now you are having your first experience at the reception of a famous hotel chain. You gave your ID to the official, and the official realized that it is your birthday, and gave you a suite instead of a normal room. And there's a birthday cake waiting for you in your room. No matter where you are in the world, you will be very eager to choose that hotel again. To perfect your moment of interaction and make a very good impression in humans, first confront people and experiences that will give you negative responses. Don't let your negative reputation exceeds you. Spend money, time, energy to solve, and redeem yourself. Because you don't have a chance to control who will tell you to who, when and how.
PREVIEW
Convincing the tough people
You may be encounter tough people who are highly social and graduated from finest colleagues. You may not understand how it is felts like to meet these people before you have meet them in pressing conditions. Human’s genetic codes and the environment which they have grown are so important. You may think; genetic code is the bullet and the environment which they have grown is the gun. It will not be easy to convince without knowing what have been through in the past and what they want to achieve in the future. That is why we are in the need of more listening and understanding.
When you use 5 techniques that I will tell you now against people with high ego, you will reduce conflicts and use your convincing skills at a higher level.
1. Think of the person in front of you as a 3-year-old boy. It's much easier to forgive what a 3-year-old has done. Imagine that he/she only has 24 hours to live, and you are the only one who know this. You show mercy and pity. Imagine, that he/she will be locked up in a room for a lifetime and has to live in there. In such cases, we must find a way to compromise. Imagine you're playing a play and your role is a problem-solving consultant. His role is a troublemaker. Remember, no matter how much trouble you're dealing with, you're the counselor who solves the problems and you are playing in a play. Finally, you can think of the person you're dealing with as a confidential customer who's been led by an official institution or your company. As a secret customer who wants to learn your manners. When you start using all or part of these 5 tactics, your relationship with difficult People will be much easier.
Why are people so tough? If you reach the emotion beneath it, and try to understand these obstacles, you will have a wonderful experience. Difficult people often become more difficult when they cannot express themselves, when they are blocked, when they are interrupted, in short, when they feel worthless. Persuasion is actually effective listening and interacting with powerful questions without consulting. The persuasion machine is here help you by reducing options without interfering your decisions.
Now I am sharing with you the information of people who have instant anger and suddenly become aggressive. First of all, as the main causes of the problem, we can count; glucose, amygdala and ego.
Shall we start with the glycoses? Glucose is the primary source of energy for every cell in the body. And it can't be stored. If there's not enough glucose in the brain, the connection between the neurons will break. Functions such as thinking, learning, and memory are related to how much glucose goes into the brain. The brain uses 3/2 of all glucose in the body under normal conditions. The remaining 3/1 section is used by the whole body. When it is put under pressure, it is upset, and if it feels worthless and unhappy, the brain begins to use the whole glucose to perform its functions. That's why the other organs are struggling because they can't get the glucose with their fuel. Increased heart rate, swelling of the neck veins, lactic acid accumulation, back, neck and head pain caused by glucose deficiency.
So people use glucose economy when they're not under pressure and feel safe. Everyone including the ones who is short tempered have a tendency to be persuaded when they feel safe and happy. When glucose level is normal, there would be no problem with energy loss and lack of attention. This allows them to focus on us and perceive better at what we're transferring. It will be more persuasive if someone has a meal with sugary drink or a mixture with honey before the meeting 20 or 60 minutes.
A high level of oxygen combined with glucose will make it much easier to impress. People who have had enough glucose in the open air, by the park or by the Sea feel happy. Avoid places with low level of oxygen and people with low level of glucose in order to persuade someone. That is why it has been using in stores, sales negotiations, political leaders are using special odors and serotonin gas-happiness gas-to convince people in their environments. Because serotonin gives happiness, vitality and fitness.
You're doing great, congratulations.
We talked about the glucose issue. Now it's time for the amygdala region, the emotional memory. Some people prefer to be happy with unhappiness. They look at every event and everybody in the worst way. They choose to live in constant vigilance situation by recording every moment in the most negative way in their mental filters. Besides, they think they're doing this to be safe. So they spend more energy, focus more on the negativity. They cannot live with the flow! The operating system of women and men under pressure is very different from the way they remember details and the way they look at events. You have to treat women and men differently. We will discuss this further when we talk about amygdala about what we change and how we change.
Next, we come to the ego, an important obstacle that must be overcome in tough people. High ego prevents people from being merciful, it causes people to get away from you, it prevents developing and learning, ıt prevents love from getting into your life, it makes inconsistent behavior increases, also greed and competition increases. Also, people with high egos overjudge everything, they are under unnecessary stress. They try to be happy by making themselves and the people around them unhappy.
You know you can't convince people by engaging in ego fights. So, what should we do? Now, do you want to play a game to make your life easier? Imagine that every person is ready to help you achieve your goal. But also imagine that they are playing games with you to make your winnings worthwhile so that they want to improve you by make you spending effort, time and energy. If you think so, your mind and body will be ready to interact. Never argue with fools, because fools always win. Do you want to know why ? Because they are very experienced in discussion. They make emotional attacks that will keep you from thinking properly. They make you lose your willpower and prevent you from making sensible second moves. They will take you to their level in a short time. And those who watch you arguing with fools may not understand who's stupid. Even if you're 100 % right, arguing with fools makes you the most important part of the problem.
So instead of discussing with people who have high egos, talk about their experiences, their achievements, what they can do in the future. Ask them for help!
People may have weaknesses, prejudices, complexes, or concerns, both due to their personality and personal experience. All these are obstacles to a person's being convinced about something. People usually prefer to reject suggestions made to them instead of confronting these things. In these cases, it does not provide a benefit to insist on persuasion. You cannot persuade these people without solving the obstacle in the essence. If you want to win though people first, make sure they are free of their obstacles. Watch out for their ego, remove them from the environment where they may lose glucose, and learn about the amygdala region. Never try to convince people who are screaming or angry. Listen to them, take care of them, and do not convey your opinion, solution proposal before they calm down.
BECAUSE NO ONE CAN THINK WHILE SCREAMING!
PREVIEW
Persuasion Models
Think about your last meeting with someone. Did you get the result you wanted? Did you do it right? Above all, can you convince anyone in the same way? Not everyone is the same, and every human being can behave differently at any time. So different persuasion models should be used for different people and different moments. You should develop approaches based on your talents and skills.
Gift !
When people feel special, they will be more willing to fulfill your wishes. If you have an economic goal you want to achieve, it is easy to set up mathematics. For example, if you want to make a sale that is worth 10.000$, you should use 5% of your projected income as a gift. You can buy a double ticket to a singer’s concert she’s/he’s following. You can send the signed book of the author he/she followed. If the subject you want to convince is related to relationships, of course, you do not have the chance to bind it to a certain proportion. You should be able to make surprises and be able to get out of routine habits. Spontaneous acts and indicators which shows that you think about him/her every second you will be a terrific persuasion model.
Negotiation;
You can develop your influence and persuasion skills and be a negotiator as a model of persuasion. As you develop your intuition, you will develop your emotions, logic rules, and when to negotiate, and when to show a compromise.
During persuasion, you need to make logical framing so that people feel victorious. As long as logic is working, people will feel safer and happier.
Focus on their needs;
Deactivate yourself in your persuasion model and add value to the other person's life. Discover their needs that they are not yet aware of and find innovations that will make their life easier. Corporations and people can't see their blind spots in their lives because they focus on detail. You will gain confidence when you provide changes and innovations that enable others to win. Trust will lead you to sustainable persuasion.
For example, you can add value by introducing a friend who works in the sales area to another friend who teaches micro expressions and conducts field studies so that your friend can learn new information. By attending a massage course, you can surprise your lover spectacularly. You can refer to another friend for new networks and you can bring new customers to his company. You can add value to their lives by giving your ideas of startup, or by giving your individual or company-specific innovation ideas. To find out what these are, you need to recognize and focus on the person or company you are dealing with.
Bargain;
You will lose if you make the opposing side feel that you serve only your interests. You have to convince the other person that you have a system which makes them win, develop and in fact you will win together. Your understanding of negotiation should be to cooperate and win together.
ENVIRONMENT
According to Ibn Haldun, geography is destiny. Where you were born, where you live, is really your destiny. You may also realize that people act differently after they heard where are you from. Clichés are developed according to your location.
The environment has an important impact on our lives as well as our genetic codes. In the process of persuasion, the environment affects your point of view, your flexibility, how you take a stand against events. If we act without putting people in catalogs based on where they were born and where they live, then we will win. Emotional memory loves to create catalogues and look at events from the mental catalogues at any moment. When you start to look at people as individuals, and when you know that every individual chooses a different shift with the learning of every new information, Life will be much easier.
Yes, people are affected by the environment in which they were born and lived. When you ask strong questions and start changes that will allow them to get rid of the shackles on their feet, then their awareness will increase.
Naturally the concept called environment is not just the places where we are. Let's not forget that we are the compounds of the 5 people we spend the most time together. Our development is depending on that 5 people that we share our subconscious codes, our goals, our dreams, our actions. That's why we have to choose these five people very well. We have to stay away from negative people. When you find a negative person that attracts your energy down, fed by negativity, you must find another negative person and introduce them. And after that you must slip away! Of course, the five people you choose will not be the same person at every moment of your life. The important thing is here whether they are helping with our goals or not. When you choose these 5 people, you need to develop 2 of them and touch their lives. Do you want to know why? Because the best way to learn is by converting information into practice in other people's lives. The other three people should always be positive people who will add value to you and develop. Use the weak bond’s power with the people you attend charity works together alongside with your strong bonds such as you have with your family, coworkers. These people will increase your observation skills when you become a persuasion machine, and allow you to look at things differently. Because strong bonds will provide you with limited opportunities. With the people we've seen everyday, we're going to repeat ourselves. Routine relationships would be increased. In order to see new opportunities, you will need new people and people that you don't have responsibilities for.
Weak bonds will provide new information flow, often leading to valuable and different information that you cannot obtain from your strong bonds. It will also increase the number of people who will improve your movement skills and help you find different solutions to problems. And since we don’t have a history with them, there would be no expectation thus there would be no tension.
People with social and numerous weak bonds have no difficulty in finding a job, receive higher salaries and are aware of opportunities because they are constantly exchanging information. It has been observed that they are more capable of getting what they want.
You can discover the power of weak bonds through LinkedIn. Because LinkedIn has established a great weak link organization through your link’s, your link’s links, and other links. Thanks to your connections to 1000 people and through the 3rd links you can reach the person you want. The strength of weak links is to know new people. You can do this not only through social media, sometimes with the power of being spontaneous, sometimes with references, sometimes with your own will.
According to Mark Granovetter, individuals do not act fully atomic, nor are they completely determined by their environment. Instead, they are involved in various social networks created by very strong or weak links. “The power of a bond is expressed by a mixture of time, emotional intensity, intimacy, and mutual benefit that distinguishes it. The bond between a mother and her child or between two good friends is usually stronger than the relationship between the two colleagues. However, Granovetter claims that the same limited knowledge of many things applies to the parties of the relationship, because too much time and space is shared together in strong link (just like the relationship of two close friends) relationships. Any new and possibly valuable information comes from outside the network. Therefore, it has to be a "weak link" that works like a bridge between the channel networks where this information will flow. If you want to convince people, meet new people. Get a large collection of people.
You're doing great now, next up is Instagram!
Why are people so eager to share snapshots from different locations? Because changing environment means getting rid of your routine and this is the sign of the diversity and status.
Instagram or Facebook are virtual indicators of how much people need to be acknowledged and appreciated. The number of young people between the ages of 17 and 25 who have plastic surgery to make their photos look better is increasing day by day. Now, when you approve people in your life, when you appreciate them, imagine that in their eyes you could be as indispensable as Instagram or Facebook. As a persuasion machine, you must be aware of; the power of the environment and the closer you are to the target, the higher your interaction will be.
Power of this moment
“Buy now” pay in 48 months! The car stands in front of you that you have been dreaming of. Instant gratification is so powerful that you don't know what you're doing. You can't understand how you signed a special campaign contract after your test drive with a tall, attractive, blonde sales representative!
The attraction power of the present; The primitive brain disables the logic when there is limited time and product. It wants to get it right away. As professionals in the field of persuasion, you can make people decide immediately. If they don't do it right now, they think they will lose. Why are people affected by the power of the present? Because resisting temptation, making difficult decisions, using initiative means that the brain consumes excessive energy. You cannot expect someone who got a proposal with a diamond ring to decide within a month, to think rationally or make a presentation about the process in 2nd or 3rd month. It is expected to say an immediate “yes” with a giant smile while she is looking at her partner’s eyes; filled with full of love.
The video of the proposal
You need to bring people to now even though they live in the past with full of regrets or in the future full of dreams and pessimism. The time for change is present, the time for action is present. Once they do this, tell them they can do it all the time. People who believe in the power of the present take action immediately. Do you want to know how? If you're waiting for your birthday to stop smoking, you can't start the change. It would be difficult to stop smoking if you wait for certain conditions to occur. First, break the cigarette pack in your mind, then break the cigarette pack in your hand. Step into healthy life right now and right here. You need to manage the present very well so that you can convince others. Because people will look at your actions, not what you say. Do you want to get zero-to-million education from someone who has difficulty to paying his credit card’s debts, or from someone who teaches at his fabulous villa or boat? Which is more convincing! Because people make decisions by looking at your present.
The past does not have the slightest power in the present. Do not let your past experience or future worries limit your present moment. Experience the power of present. Only the choices that you made at right now is up to your discretion. Time is of the essence. In order to not miss anything about present you must be focus on the present and you must make the other people to do the same.
I NEED YOU
How do you feel when someone says “I need you”? When you see that these words are a sincere and naturally demanded, you will be more willing to share your energy, time and ideas. Because, even if we see ourselves as independent beings, we always need other brains to maintain our lives. Man is an extremely social creature. It has a structure that deals with other people, makes connections, cares about their problems and evaluates their intentions. Therefore, people need us, and we need people. When was the last time you said, "I need you!" to someone? Is it too romantic? Or your ego won’t let you? You think you're a self-sufficient person and you're making this a matter of pride?
If you want to specialize in persuasion and be at the top, your tongue should get used to these sentences. Observe how people's attitudes change when you use the following sentences.
I need you
I want your opinion about this
Can you back me up?
Your vision, your point of view is very important and I need you in this subject.
I just missed to hear your voice.
When was the last time you told someone “I need you”?
Now, top the training and choose 5 friends to tell you “I need you”. Experience what has been changed. Send the same message to at least 20 different people per month and monitor the interaction of persuasion…
MOTIVATION-OPPORTUNITIES-TALENT
Individuals' wishes and needs may affect their behavior in a specific way. As your passions diminish, your motivation for taking an action also decreases. then we postpone and give up. When our motivation is high, we are more prepared to act and get what we want. Never forget the following sentence when you lost your motivation. Action comes before the emotion !
Take action. When you take action, you will not have time to think about the problems and focus on the problems. When you lose your motivation, your shoulders will fall, your walking tempo will decrease, and your movement abilities will be limited. Increase your walking rhythm by 25% and you will see an incredible increase in your motivation. Your high motivation will increase your level of excitement transfer and this will make people believe in you. If your motivation is high, you can motivate, inspire and encourage others. In addition, your body language, energy, visual contact, tone of your voice will also be effective in your interaction with the person or group in question, which is also depends on your inner motivation.
If your motivation is high, you can motivate and convince others. In order to make someone to do something, to persuade them; you need to motivate them. Because people with low motivation cannot easily see the opportunities around them.
We focus on conclusions when our motivation is high and focus on excuses when our motivation is low. In fact, even in times of crisis, opportunities are always around us. We need to focus on the present to use time and resources. And we do this with motivation. For this reason, in order to convince others, it is necessary to encourage them plus, we should prove them that opportunities are everywhere. People with high motivation and self-confidence make decisions faster.
It would be easier if you use the words such as; “ you can make it, it is your decision, it is limited, this is so innovative, it is free” to the people that you will encourage and inspired in order to make them act. People who are highly motivated and aware of opportunities are more willing to use talents.
Imagine having a housing sale conversation with someone who doesn't have a purchase motivation and also doesn't want it. Although you offer a much better opportunity than other options, the other person will not want to detect it. If they are not yet ready to persuade, you should wait for new opportunities until new variables will occur. You can find what motivates him from his surroundings also with strong questions and through what you get from active listening. For instance, knowing that the player he/she likes, or a close friend will move into the neighborhood can change their purchase decision about the house you planning to sell.
Ability: is the level of cognitive, emotional, financial, physical or social resources that a person can apply to perform a particular behavior. The factors that determine this level are the fear of losing and the desire to win. People with high motivation are more likely to notice opportunities that may have occur. You should prepare personalized preparations to the person or the group, you are convincing about how and when to motivate for the motivation + opportunities + talent cycle. In addition, you should also make personalized preparations to see and use opportunities.
You've met a new girl / guy and your motivation is to spend time with someone who is fun and pleasant. Opportunities to live new experiences, meet with a different person. The struggle to hold someone who has gained the ability. Your motivation is to touch a new person's life. Your opportunity to have a great friend, your ability to actively listen to and to make the person to feel valuable.
You're a sales person; your motivation is that every customer has a million dollar in their pocket, and they are willing to buy it from you. So, you focus on the customer, and have a change to impress. Your skills; flexibility, communication abilities, concentration and making the customer feel special and valuable.
Remember, the aim at persuasion is to make it repeatable. So, you should be able to use it in a job interview, in a new job contact, when you are selling a start up project or when you sell yourself. Every attempt to persuade is an experience and a journey for you.
Your message!
More your message is clear, simple and short, more your effectiveness will increase. Can a four-year-old child understand what you're talking about? Can you communicate with other person by not making complex sentences? How much are you preparing your partner for your message?
How does your hypnotic message transfer from different channels to the target's subconscious? What can you do with storytelling without going into conflict? How do you sell yourself and your messages on social media? Do you transfer your message indirectly through implication? Or do you use the other person's perception rate and the words he uses? Your message should be fluent because the primitive brain does not like disruptions. If there is an interruption in speech, it perceives mistrust.
It remembers the beginning and end of your message. For that reason, your message should be prepared previously. The opening and closing of your message should be strong. Can you make them draw pictures in the mind of the audience? Does the person in front of you could find the answer of “what's in it for me? " from what you what you talk about. Or does he adapt to the subject quickly and get excited?
Are the jokes in your message specially prepared for that very person and the moment? Are there any strong, current quotations? Can he connect with a tweet that aired that day? Are there any differences that help the audience to concentrate? When you use the language and sound you speak with high-speed and impressive, you will get great results. Don't think words are insignificant, words are quite important. However, it is as important as what you say, when and how you say it, and even who you say it with.
Are your sentences short sentences consisting of 8-11 words? Or the long and very comma sentences that will make you forget the impact of the beginning of the sentence? If fast speakers don't take a break for the moment of detection, they can't send a message to the people they are facing. In very slow conversations, there is a loss of confidence because the fluency is interrupted. If you focus on the details when transferring the message, you will gain confidence and get a chance to control yourself.
Remember, the time of persuasion is the present. In addition, create sentences like you have accomplished to make people what you want while persuade. For example, how much product do you intend to buy again after selling the products that you bought from us? What are you going to do with your old machines after you put the new machines you bought?
Your message should be visual, the connection between the eye and the brain is 22 times more effective than the other organs. You should manage the time very well, instead of long talk, it will benefit you to finish under the given time. The reason why TedX speeches are limited to 18 minutes is to keep viewers' focus on the top level. To explain a subject in the shortest way requires good preparation and practice. To communicate your message effectively, you need to know the person and the group you are meeting, answer all possible questions, plan everything that you will use plus when and where you use, also you need to know about the area and the environment that you will speak. Most importantly, you must really believe on what you're saying. When you transfer the energy of faith to the other side, the interaction will be high. Body language, aura, eye contact, tone of voice and interaction with difficult people is very high in people who believe. You will add a new victory to your list of victories by acting more friendly, more flexible.
You should tell the audience what they should know and observe what they perceive by taking feedback. If you have additional time; you may mention about important topics or encourage them to ask the right questions. But you must be careful about not getting distract from topic. Because when focus is reduced, it becomes very difficult for you to recall the same mind. If you want them to care about what you say then pay attention while they are speaking Your message must take control the heart and brain at the same time, their heartbeats and breath-in’s must be synchronized with you and neurons must company to the dance of eyes.
FRAMING
Humankind are afraid of what they don’t know. If they are not encouraged in decision-making processes, they either give up or take references from the past. Instead of thinking, they look at what they did in the past and prefer to do the same.
You can replace it with framing as you are a persuasion machine. people act in accordance with your frameworks to be consistent no matter what kind of frames you put them into or how they feel.
For example, if they didn't do network marketing before, they prefer to stay in comfort areas and to be employees and to do classic trade. The task of the leaders of the network market is to frame the person in the future where they should be. You need to connect with the stories and change their viewpoints.
You need to be a facilitator or someone who makes the job easy outside of the framing. You must explain that all the successful leaders lived in this process. All obstacles like; environmental factors, habit traps, and obstacles of comfort zone must be explained through others.
Here, the past and future should be told without blame. Framing is very important for a visionary and intuitive leader. Leaders do not put people in catalogs by looking at their past situations and do not behave like this. They look and behave according to the best place they can be. The networker who intuit this situation develops the attitude according to how he/she is treated according to the consistency principle.
Your team will develop their self-confidence if you act according to their future magnificent places with this, they will develop a strong self-control system and they will transfer it to the people who are upfront them.
Remember, there are no flawless people, and if you focus on their mistakes and deficiencies, you will get away instead of getting closer. When they emphasize their strong features, their self-confidence will improve their deficiencies.
If you change your point of view, you see the picture differently! Re-framing should start for others and most importantly for yourself!
Re-framing will help you to purify your negativity and make the future stronger and increase our energy.
EMOTION AND LOGIC
In order to achieve persistent persuasion in the long term, we need to maintain the balance between logic and emotion. Emotions provide movement and action. A logical message that does not address emotions cannot find a strong response.
However, it is difficult for analytical people to respond to emotional messages, which you do not tell their logic. We convince them for a logical reason, but they act with their emotions. For example, when you have 16 pairs of shoes, it is unreasonable to buy a new pair of shoes. We bought the 17th shoe if the emotions like; new cloths, a special day, make you feel better strikes out.
A study shows that 90% of decisions are made with emotions. Analytic people feel safe and happy when they think, they make reasonable decisions. In fact, every action is based on the satisfaction of an emotion. Focus on everyone's emotional and logical connections until you become a master at persuasion and can repeat mechanically without thinking. For this reason, logical tactics, graphics, presentations and math decisions are used as a means of making you happy. The price of the product you purchase is minimized with daily costs instead of general. Therefore, concepts such as stinging, and escape values are used in the negotiations.
Logic is selfish and utilitarian. Emotions are compassionate and self-sacrificing. Emotions create a limitless variety. Those who prioritize emotions learn life by trial and error. Those who move with logic are struggling to start taking action. Therefore, you must discover your feelings and activate them for action.
SECRETS OF PERSUASION
Firstly, convince yourself! Know that you can't convince others without doing that. Follow without harassing! So, call twice at most on the same subject. Set new conditions and opportunities to call again.
While persuading someone, believe in the power of active listening and powerful questions.
Never give advice unless you are asked to.
Give people a secret to make them feel special. Remember, it's gossip, the fashion that hasn't changed in millions of years.
Do not replicate options by providing more information to non-experts.
Get feedback all the time to find out who understands what and how.
Sometimes, explain like you are talking to an idiot.
Never forget names, events, relationships. Memory can mislead you, make notes.
Prove that what you do is right.
Ask for written commitments.
Change people's clichés and catalogs.
Show demand high.
Ask for help by using your handwriting.
When you are making a statement, use the word “because” repeatly.
Use “nevertheless” instead of “yes or but”.
What Motivates Us!
To understand what a person is motivated by, you need to look at the past motivational references. Intuitions and behaviours will tell us about the motivations. Some are motivated by eating, having sex, exercising, while others are motivated by leaving a mark on the future.
Maslow's hierarchy of needs goes by; physical needs, security needs, belonging and love needs, value needs, self-realization needs. The world has changed a lot since 1943 when Maslow wrote the Hierarchy of Needs. As people develop, their expectations, their quest and the way of motivation are changing. People are also changing their habits and motivation ways with new pieces of information. When you try to mobilize people with rewards and penalties, you will always need more rewards or penalties.
To appreciate is the second big asset you have in this area. So, what's the first one? Learning and development!
Because the human being who is naturally in need of others is liberated as they develop. As people learn, their skills and equipment also develop.
Where there is no motivation focused on gaining skills, life becomes ordinary and routine. People need constant learning to improve themselves. Look around you, how many unhappy people are using the word I'm learning?
Learning belongs to the future. Happy people make plans for the future. Learning a new language, learning a new musical instrument is future. When you make it easier for people to learn and develop, you are actually showing them the future as a target.
Another motivation tool of people is to be belonged. A team supporter shouts frantically during the matches and the constant interaction with other fans provides high motivation. Parties, non-governmental organizations, large families, large companies invest to keep their membership alive. Making them feel that they are an important part of the project is one of the important methods in persuasion.
Another motivation method is the freedom to make choices. People don't like you selling anything, but they're very fond of buying. That is why shopping centers have a healing effect as therapy centers have.
There are 4 motivation sources of human being: first is the being appreciated, second is the learning constantly, third is the feeling of belonging to a society and forth is the being free of making choices
When you provide them, they will be motivated, and they will establish a sustainable persuasion communication with you.
BEING DESIRABLE
If you are in the field of persuasion area you need to know that men are struggling to obtain, while women are struggling to keep it. According to a behavior of the hunter-gatherer period is men fight while hunting. Then when they bring their prey to their caves, the struggle is over. Women, on the other hand, dries the incoming prey and fight for economic use.
This also applies to relationships. For this reason, during flirtation period, women play hard to get and men chase after them. Then, when they got married, men usually quit the same struggle because they achieved it. Women need to learn the man's opinion on whether they are loved or not on a daily basis.
That's why a thoughtful person always makes women happy. They willing to do what that person wants. The operating system of men and women is different. Women like to hear that they are unique and desirable by their loved ones.
Men always wants to hear that he's the best. The way of thinking in these bilateral relations is then reflect in all of the private life and the business life. If you tell a woman “when you come to the office, the energy of this place is changing, it is very enjoyable to work with you” she thinks that she is unique and desirable.
When you want to express this to the man, you can say; “you're the best manager I've worked with, and if you're not here, the system would break down,”. That makes him happy because he thinks that he is the best.
When you want to convince someone, you need to know the male and female operating system at all times, whether it's in the first interaction or in ongoing relationships.
In other words, every stage of the process of persuasion, even after the process is completed, women want to hear that she is desirable and unique.
In order to convince the man, the seller must say that I would like to be with you all the time. You're the best person I know that makes people's lives easier. It would be very useful for you to announce to him that he is the best.
Well; what is the best way to convey the message of "I am thinking about you right now” for persuasion masters. In social life, your job is easy making surprises, the message that you send, smiling only to him/her, just looking into his/her eyes in a restaurant where hundreds of people sit and ignore the Earth.
However, it would be exciting to give your body and mind while listening and ask questions with interest. To convince him in professional life, helping him achieve what he wants to achieve, inspiring him, to facilitate him, listening to him and bring him into the forefront will be tremendously impressive. A person who feels desirable cannot move away from your gravitational field. They fell your lack of existence. While doing this, it is necessary to reveal a feature that is not seen by everyone. Everyone knows that the most beautiful woman in the world is beautiful. You can create a different person by praising her intelligence or intuition.
SPEAK THEIR LANGUAGE
People are most attracted and affected by people who are similar to themselves. Talking similarly with the opposite side's accent or intonation provides the inception of resemblance. Interaction and confidence will increase depending on where they from, what they have accumulated in that geography,
Language is the magic way to share, remove barriers and dissolve ego conflicts. So, when you are talking with someone think of it as if you are dancing. Stay in perfect harmony and flow. It will be very easy to impress when your tone of voice, your breathing, your looks are the same. Also use the words he/she uses.
MENTAL RESPONSES
Imagine that two of the world's most important experts in the field of general surgery share their completely opposite ideas in a congress. Moreover, you are asked to give your opinion about who is right.
Your mind will give you answers even though you don't have expertise on the subject. In fact, you will decide about one of them in a short period of time. Then you will develop a point of view that will justify its reasons and find the other's errors. How are you going to do that? You are going to use filters such as stances of experts, their voice tone, their eye contact, fluent speaking, rate to answering questions, transferring their excitement. You can go a little further and do this with two people that you don't know their language.
When the minds are ready, it's easy to impress and convince. You can prepare minds, remove filters and catalogs, or design them as you wish.
You can take advantage of hundreds of things such as; power of the stories, references about you, your perception of social media, an Instagram photo, past customers and social experiences.
The brain cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy, we think of what we created in our mind as reality, and we try to prove it.
For this reason, the questions that you will ask people's subconscious should be programmed according to which answers you want.
There are hundreds of questions you can ask until you ask the person you are going to marry “Will you marry me?”
Before marriage, your questions must be related to belonging, trust, being free together, change, common benefit.
Then the mental responses you want to get, should make them stronger with the questions about marriage, home, her qualifications.
IMPROVE
People trust more on people who develop themselves, raise their awareness and add value. They are very willing to do business with them and share their social life. Firstly, develop people in the areas where they want to develop, then in the areas where they need to develop. For example, teach Pomodoro technique to someone who doesn't manage time well and wants to increase focus and productivity.
How does the Pomodoro technique work? It is a technique that used by those who think about the quality of production and have a trouble at focusing on the work that needs to be completed. Set stopwatch to 25 minutes and start working. Take notes of what's stopping you from working 25 minutes. Write down all the events that keep you busy, such as checking Instagram or Facebook, checking WhatsApp messages, and after that continue to your work.
Give yourself a five-minute break every 25 minutes and relax. Observe how many Pomodoros you have made. If you have completed this process 4 times, take a long break of 15-30 minutes. There will be tremendous improvements in your productivity and focus.
The efficiency and focus of the people you develop will increase, and they will produce better works in less time.
Observe the person you want to improve. What can he/she do something better?
Focus on what they can do for you when you develop their potential and make them happy.
You can offer a movie, a book, or you can gift something. You can change their perspective by gifting them a course. With a workshop, you can help them discover their skills and develop themselves.
You have to develop people around you because people who are open to development will always add value to you. They will surely discover that the best way of learning for the development cycle is to teach and develop others.
42 TACTICS FOR PERSUASION
While performing the 42 persuasion tactics the following are surely important. Still, for those of you who cannot change, you should not be stuck in the past. Our biggest mistakes are either we live in the past, and constantly dig into the garbage of negativity, or we call for negativity by setting up concerns about the future. However, all we can do is focus on present and managing it. Of course, past experiences are important, of course, the future should be planned. However, the time we can manage is only the present.
How did you live between your 0 – 3 ages
How much pressure did you have
How much environment and situation change you have had
How many different people you have interact
How much you internalize rejection
How is your ability to saying no
On what level you make yourself excited
How much you want is very important.
How do you respond under pressure, when the things are not so well, your ability to take 100% responsibility, being ready to pay the price, your instinct to getting up again when you lose and your collaboration will determine your quality of life and what you will achieve or lose.
So, these will determine whether you are governed or not. Whether you are the leader of a political party, the manager of the apartment, or the head of your home, whatever you are you
are unconsciously effect or influenced?
“What can I do better every day?”, “How can I prepare myself better?" We have to ask these questions and take action with our written answers. Yes, we should write our answers, because the connection between the brain and the eye is 22 times stronger than our other organs. Remember, we perceive with photo frames. Therefore, communication consists of 55% body language, 38% tone of voice, 7% words. Brain records past with photo frames and serves them with photo frames when you call them. The difference between those who plan about the daily workflow and those who don't, starts here. People who plan daily, weekly and monthly would be more productive therefore they are the winners.
Persuasion is like a highway. It is not enough for you to be a perfect driver, but your car needs to be very good also. Of course, the road is also important. One side of the persuasion highway is excellent listening, free from ego, and the other side is the ability to engage opposite side with powerful questions. Think of the Formula 1 pilot when he doing 320 kilometers per hour he just focuses on the road and think about the result.
He focused only to the road. He has to adapt himself to the hard curves at the road. When he needs to accelerate, he uses all his ergonomics in the most efficient way. You can't think of a pivot basketball player with a height of 1.35 and 44 kilograms. or a jockey height of 1.85 and 110 kilogram. So, the choice of profession is also a harmonization. Your business and partner are your living areas where you will give enjoy.
MR. EGO;
People are happy where they feel safe and do not want to change their habits easily. Every change begins with a counteraction! Moreover, everyone thinks that anyone other than himself needs change. We spend a lifetime on trying to change the world. Our ego is the biggest obstacle to change. It takes control of our minds and our body language and it is the Supreme Commander of conflicts also it is an enemy of the quality communication.
Ego stops us from asking these questions to the person in front of us; “What makes you cooperate, something you buy, in order to stay with me, in order to follow me.” When you ask these questions perhaps the answer you will get may require a little compromise, but it is the continuation of open communication.
Or if you have a lump in your throat while saying someone to “I need your help” you need exercises about in the fields of cooperation, power transfer and persuasion. You can make a habit of using these words at least 10 times a day to break the ego's resistance, to leave traces in others, to touch their lives.
With persuasion actually you collect people who has a same thinking with you. Review your phone book, calendar, LinkedIn links, your entire network, and write down how many people in your collection could you effect to take action.
We can list the common characteristics of those who has ability to convince people;
The best thing you can do in a discussion; is staying away from a discussion. Even if you are 100% right, discussing with fools is your biggest loss. So, you can win the discussions and be happy, and you can enjoy the victory of being right. However, it won't give you anything but new enemies and a bad reputation in hundreds of places. Do you realize that when you say “you're wrong” to someone, you don't respect someone, you say that the only right idea is produced by yourself, and others do not have the right to express themselves?
Imagine you have said, "I've never looked at the way you think." Remember, the more you attack one's beliefs, the ego comes into play and that person will defend his beliefs and thoughts with greater passion.
If there is something wrong, accept it quickly and precisely. Your ego will prevent you from seeing what is right and what is wrong. If you are collecting people in Persuasion, be natural and sincere. People can make mistakes!
Use the “yes, yes” tactic. Ask them five questions that they will say yes. Then, ask what you want to do, as a question. A person who always says yes, will have trouble to saying no.
Make deals when talking to a person and compromise on small losses.
In the meantime, measure their reactions! Do they want more concessions, or do they compromise? Give conditional concessions if they want bigger concessions.
For example; If you've decided to buy this, I can give you this as a promotion.
If your decision is clear, we can do it immediately!
Feel the person in front of you, and his/her opinion. Transfer what they say back to them along with feedback and get the information correctly by saying, "Have I understood correctly?" When you do so, you will see that your feelings and ideas are understood by person in front of you and practiced in a fascinating way.
Read the message given during persuasion and the actual need behind this message quickly. Instead of thinking on behalf of others and supposing, listen effectively, like a child’s purity and reach the main idea by asking very strong questions.
The act of persuasion is 100% emotional. Under analytical thinking, there is always emotion. People are selfish, and they can think very differently from you. For a moment, think that, thoughts are sympathetic and harmless. Interaction begins with harmony, not counteraction. Do not give advice, do not be their mentor unless they are ready to be mentored and asked for it. Give your message through dramatized stories and through others! You're doomed to fail as long as you instruct others and want something constantly. When people hear the same words and concepts over and over again, the influence and power of the words would be disappeared. People often forget the experience they experienced one hour ago and remember the misfortune and negativity that happened to their friend or the person they were affected by.
Most people are loyal to their decisions once they have decided, irrespective of their consequences, whether or not they are helpful in their decisions. People don't like chaos they don't keep two ideas in their heads when there's a conflict. They make their decisions without thinking according to their current situation, faith, point of view and habits.
What do people get convinced with? Fear of losing and desire to win are people's hot buttons. Of course, there are other hot buttons. You need to discover them. For persuasion, you need to know the type of personality well. The more you believe in the subject you're going to convince, the more effective you can transfer your excitement. You pass out your passions, your body, your mind, your soul. For this reason, it is necessary to take pre-preparation very seriously at persuasion process. 50% of the process is the preparation section.
We need to show enough time and importance to this preparation section. It can be harmful to start immediately and act unplanned and only with emotions. And then, when things don't go well, everybody starts to look for someone to blame. This leads to conflicts. Play the preparation section for persuasion communication over and over in your brain. Make sure you have solved the questions and moves hundreds of times that could have been ask to you by audience. Particularly in the customer service department, you will often encounter problems with the same issues, hundreds of times. There are many different types of people. Our mood changes. However, the techniques we have gained at the end of certain trainings will benefit both our corporate image and our sales. Now, let's examine these.
You have been told about “active listening” in the communication seminars. You have been told that; “listen to customer, relax the customer, approve the customer, do not interrupt customer’s speaking”. Talk to your customer without focusing on time pressure, without thinking about the other customers waiting, other tasks given by your manager, other things that you need to do.
If you want to convince someone, you need to learn his/her real need first. One of the two most important ways to do this is to listen effectively. The other is asking strong questions. We don't have the ability to read minds. Therefore, we need to make them to talk and get rid of our prejudices to get information constantly from them. In persuasion it won't be enough to just obtain the information. People can't talk and think at the same time. Especially when they are angry and under the pressure, they want to express their thoughts and feel themselves valuable.
Women speak 24,000 words a day, except for exceptions. They want to know all the details and even speak about the finest detail. They like the details; they love the indirect and implied communication. As they talk, as they confirmed and with strong questions, they change their decisions. Women in professional business life are often stay out of this group. Men speak an average of 12,000 words a day. They focus on the result, and they look events through its results. Instead of details, they become more convinced when the results and benefits are explained. It is known that women are more willing to listen when they told about emotional issues and men are more willing to listen when results-oriented speeches are made.
It is easy to see who wants to learn and talk about the details and who wants to learn about the direct results and benefits while listening. Listen to those who has sentences lots of emotion, long sentences, repeat the same topics and do not give you the opportunity to speak!
If it is necessary; speak %15 and let the other person speak %85. People who talk all the time are closed to get the new information. To open the information channels, first make sure your contact consumes his/her words! Moreover, even if you have heard the subject a thousand times! Remember, it's exhausting for you to talk all the time. When you silence your mind and listen to it by focusing only on your goal, you will relax the person in front of you, like a psychologist or therapist. People are affected very quickly by the decisions of the person they trust. The first way to gain someone’s trusts is to feel valuable around you. The easiest way to do this is to become a quality listener and communicate well. If you are a good listener, you will be successful both in persuasion and conflict management.
People can't talk and think at the same time. As they speak, they convey their own comments, judgment and ideas.
In times of conflict, they can never do healthy analysis! Moreover, when their words are finished, they are most ready to be convinced, not to convince. When your interlocutor's weakest and the most vulnerable time, it is when the words of his words and/or prejudices are over. When you interrupt and do not approve with your body language customer will not trust and will close the channels of persuasion. For this reason, you are asked to make eye contact in every training, to confirm with your body language and to have high communication with your customer. We called the persuasion; the verbal and nonverbal communication process to change thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. To be able to convince, we need to find the hot button. We need to find the real need behind the appearing need. We can't persuade anyone without learning the real need. That's why; to be the perfect listener; you need to identify their need with strong questions.
Never advise customers. Limit options and ask them to decide.
The human mind either gives or receives. In fact, it does both. If it doesn't have anything left to say about it, it's completely focused on receiving it. As a social being humans cannot live without receiving and giving. This is the most important challenge of living alone. When a man lives alone, he suffers because he does not have a partner, which he will give and take. For this reason, this technique, which we call “milking thoughts” or “freeing thoughts”, has a very solid infrastructure.
How do you understand when the other party's thoughts and knowledge have been ended? You need to understand this. It is important to determine when to intervene.
Not interfering in the right time means losing the opportunity to convince. If the interlocutor started repeating his request, lost his willingness to speak, started to ask questions to the other person in front of him, and if he was interested in something else even though he keeps speaking, then the thought and knowledge of him have been ended. Every person has other signs, not just those we count. It is essential to observe the partner carefully and analyze the situation well.
While listening to the interlocutor, the most important missing or incorrect points of his thoughts and information should be identified and waited until his speech finished. When his speech is finished, his thoughts, knowledge and energy are exhausted, you should start with the most important mistakes that everyone can accept. Individualization, ego warfare should not be done in this moment and mistakes, errors should be generalized.
When you tell the person whose thought, knowledge and energy had been exhausted, that there are acceptable mistakes in his thoughts, he will not be able to move.
Especially if you can transfer these mistakes without blaming, your job will be easier. You can tell your own thoughts by entering the point where you found it wrong. The deprived counterpart has no energy to make any objection to you.
But you shouldn't trust this situation and you should inject your own thoughts into the wrong points of the interlocutor's thoughts. At points where you say that your partner's thoughts are wrong, your thoughts must be correct. The most important point here is not to justify or win. It is necessary to tell the facts through analytical and emotional channels without losing the customer or breaking his honor.
To whom does this technique is not suitable? First, it is not suitable to experts on their expertise areas. Because experts have a lot of ideas and knowledge to tell about their expertise, and they will never be patient about it. Anyway, it is possible to convince an expert about his/her expertise, but for another expert on the same subject. Your customers are not experts in your area. In persuasion, authority and expertise is important. However, acting as an expert and using jargon which the customer does not understand, can damage persuasion communication. Instead, you may say, "I understand you very well, we meet such events from time to time."
Second, it doesn't apply to people who talk too much. Some people really talk a lot. They don’t talk to tell something; they just talk for to be talked. It is futile to wait for these people to be silent. They don't talk because they have ideas and knowledge to tell, they talk only to be talked.
It is necessary to pay attention to such personalities. If the person in front of you is a “very speaking person”, it is futile to expect him to be silent. How do we distinguish them?
Assuming that the time allocated to the average customer is 15 minutes, your longest-speaking customer can speak for 8 minutes. The ones who speak longer than this; speak only satisfy their ego and they're just there to talk. Because you will have to answer the questions and you will need time to process. To these customers, you need to use short, clear, body language expressions that make feel your intensity.
How Do We Convince?
Certainly, you need to establish a bond of trust
Taking advantage of visuality
Showing interest
If he/she does not ask questions, answer the questions that could have been asked and encourage them
Challenge, if it is necessary, and convey your professionalism and authority in secret hypnotic language.
Show interest and respect for their point of interests.
Take advantage of the power of silence. Power of silence makes the client feel like they are making the decisions.
While Persuading;
• Eliminate mental resistance, sincerity, trust, truthfulness, have a peace of mind, managing the body language,
• Open communication does not start talking with the word “no”!
• Be aware of their perceptions, adapt
Weaknesses of Persuasion;
Having low persistence in persuasion, lack of concentration, low self-esteem, lack of memory, insufficient preparation, short temper, unnecessary advice, incorrect examples, lack of empathy, shortage of excitement transfer, not to focusing 100%, unable to ask strong questions, unable to create the big picture together, not to take enough lessons from mistakes, not to convince yourself, inability to read body language, not seeing the facts lying under words, stuck between in ideas without reaching to the feelings
Psychological Persuasion Methods in Sales, Customer Services and Social Life –
The ability to convince people has been a matter of interest for years, especially for those engaged in sales business, and has been worked extensively to solve it. The nature of persuasion lies in understanding with a human being and creating a partnership within the framework of his wishes.
Good sellers know that when the person they want to convince is convinced, they must achieve their goals. They must accept the product they want to sell to the consumer under conditions that will benefit their companies and their own.
No one wants to buy a product that he/she doesn't believe will benefit him/her. And he/she needs to be convinced about it and be happy when he/she runs the decision-making mechanism. Today, thousands of research had been done on persuasion methods, and it has been a very important issue for psychology because of its close relation with human behavior and thought structures. As a result of this research, many researchers and experts agreed on specific methods. It is possible to gather them briefly in 42 steps.
- Be natural!
The code of persuasion is being natural and sincere. Never act. Sincere people do not live anxious and alert. They do not do business thinking that what other people say. They do not sacrifice for a lifetime by dedicating their lives to others. Natural and sincere people don't give up on themselves for approval of others. They don't have masks. They can carry the same nature and sincerity when they are a senior manager in a company or when they take their 3-year-old child on their backs. This means that sincere people, who come to a position with their efforts, they trust their equipment and they know that the positions are temporary. They know that the purpose of relationships is to touch and add value to people's lives. Natural people have discovered the secret of smiling. They know what that means for a 4-year-old child's pure energy. Professionalism does not mean act and wearing masks. Development Yes, professional image, yes but the clothes that come too tight on you will squeeze you. You must either diet or change your clothes!
2-Establish a Connection / Partnership!
In this geography, there is a question; “where is your hometown? This question is actually is the first tool we use improvise to initiate communication, recognize or even convince. According to our knowledge, we filter people without realizing it. People have a better relationship with people like themselves. We do historical matches. We like to be from the same region, to be from the same profession, to support the same team, to love the same food, to do sports in the same gym, to graduate from the same school, to go to the same places. Habits, likes sameness. We bond faster, we believe faster.
At first you want to get away from everything that belongs there, and then there is a longing occurs, that you can't understand. You want to touch every moment. Do you know that those who committed the murders goes back to the crime scene later? Establishing bonds can be done in dozens of ways, such as supporting the same team, being in the same places, going to the same museum, reading the same books.
3-Adapt!
You need synchronization and a great alignment. You want to impress someone and change their decisions. The first thing you have to do is adapt to it. Do you know why we need to adapt?
A law of persuasion is; when you disagree with someone's opinion, do not start the communication with “no” or “you think wrong” or “that’s not true.” If you do that, people will stick up to their own ideas even though those are 100% wrong. The ego comes in. So, we start the conflict because we can't adjust. We have to know this very well when we are adjusting, people are selfish, they think they're the only right one, and they always believe they're right. Imagine, if not already, everyone accepts our ideas immediately, it would be boring how life if it were the only prototype model of a human. There is no development in stable environments. Movement and struggle are needed, i.e. flow.
If you move immediately without knowing the depth, speed and wind of the water in the flow, no matter how well you swim, you will get tired and suffocate. Adaptation is the shortest way to recognize someone. After you recognize, you will begin to adapt. The person in front of you will mimic your body language then your feelings without even realize. When you accomplish this, you are on the Persuasion Highway.
4-Confess Your Defects / Mistakes!
We're not perfect, we do make mistakes. People who are not open to relationship, always starting the conversation with a negativity, the ones who gave always a vague answer are difficult to persuade. When you say, "I'm sorry I didn't think like this", " I couldn't look from your point of view." no one will argue with you. It doesn't hurt to boost someone's ego. People will trust you more as you accept your mistakes.
5-Never make decisions yourself!
Continue persuasive communication until the other people or party you are dealing with feeling like making their own decisions. Making decisions means that you have to make a choice in your subconscious. The decision you have made with a group is not 100% your decision. Other than that, think about imposition, advice and coercion. However, a making a decision is a singular act. People will spend their energies more on what they decide only, in these times they will need less control from others over the process and they will have higher intrinsic motivations. When they succeed, they will think that they have the control and they are the cause of the victory. First you can get your opponent’s opinion and you can learn how much your opponent stick up to his/her ideas by defending the opposite idea. After that you can evoke them to taking %100 responsibilities and paying the price by accepting their decision. There are a lot of differences between the words, “give” and “take”. Making a decision liberates people and someone else decide for you instead is an acceptance. The decision taken by our company, the decision taken by our party assembly, the decision taken by our municipality, these decisions are acceptance by unwillingly. These decisions never excite you.
6-Be the person everyone thinks that you are a role model
Steve Jobs has become a brand with his story. And he caused to create an emotional bond with Apple. He is one of the best examples of reaching from person to product. To become a role model, you don’t have to know millions of people or have a million-dollar social media support. Even if the number of people you have touched is 3-4; the interaction you make, will change your life. Father and mother is the role model in the home to children, teacher is the role model in the classroom to his/her students and this could be enough to be an opportunity to change a generation or even the history. To be a role model, your physical appearance, social environment, mental state, intellectual state is extremely important. Be Natural, be sincere, but at the same time be ambitious. Make them feel your desire to win and the value that you added to their life.
7- Create necessity not anger and dissatisfaction!
Be the one who is seek by other people, not the one who always angry, complying about everything. Do not be the trashcan which people dump their garbage. Accept your feelings, rejecting them will lead you to unhappiness. For this reason, instead of sharing things that you are unhappy with your life with others and associating them with your unhappiness, become the person who is been sought and gave the solutions needed. Those who focus on excuses will not be able to see solutions. This is the nature of the job. If you believe that the problems could have been solve by speaking, let the psychologists who are experts in this subject, do it. Observe the people around you and you will see how powerful people who are ruling the present and aware of their values.
8-Physical Environment!
The physical environment change is important for persuasion. You need to change the physical environment to change people's perceptions. Interaction and excitement reduce with the people you see every day. This applies to marriage and business relationships. People you interact with all the time, will normalize you after a while when they see you.
Therefore, visit your customers at regular intervals. In addition to this, it is a positive action for a business agreement to come together at a breakfast or dinner event instead of a customer’s or seller's place. And imagine you're having a discussion at home, bring your wife or lover in front of a mirror and continue arguing in front of the mirror. This physical change will reduce your discussion. If you want to attract someone to your side about a subject and change their mind, move them away from their surroundings. Get him out of his safe zone and, if possible, take him to a place where you have the control. It would be especially better if there is an environment in which he can only rely on you and be isolated from others.
9-Use the power of words
The way to keep persuasion channels open is to tell the other person what they want to hear first. Remember, how and when you say it, is more important than what you say. Men knows the meaning of word; “you are not yourself, when you're hungry”. Feed him first! “Retail therapy” might be a good thing before you talk with a woman.
You can't imagine the level of happiness of a woman after walking around a mall. Put it in your notes that a woman is thinking about shopping every 60 seconds. Use this power in your words to persuade women who are thinking about shopping, 960 times a day, 6720 times a week. Take seriously the field studies and university research that tell men thinks about sex every 52 seconds. I'm talking about a study had been made between men and women aged 19-45. Meanwhile, remember that women use 24 thousand words a day, and men use 12 thousand words a day. And remember that if women do not consume their words, they transfer them to the next day, and men are not in the same situation. Women use their right side of their brains, focus on details, and they want to know everything. For women such things; imagination, rhythm, imagination, color, size are very important. They enjoy talking and telling about the finest details. Men use their left side of their brains and focus only to the results instead of the details. During sales and persuasion while talking with men, if you start telling from results and after that tell them about details, success will come. Men express with logic, analysis, mathematics, listing, charts. Therefore, women's intuitions are stronger. When it comes to remembering the past, the brain system between men and women is very different from one another. Therefore, women remember the past much better and remind when it is necessary. Men hardly express their emotions because they act in logic. Women experience their emotions intensively and they want to be understood. That's why men don't understand when women say, "you don't understand me!" Their systems work differently. This concept will not be understood as long as men look with their own systems and women look with their own systems. Men want to prove that they have the power and authority, and women want to be understood. The simplest way to achieve this at the beginning of persuasion is to help women consume their words. In men, it will be given back the freedom they have while they live with their mother the period in which they live. Women are easier to convince while talking face to face. Men on the other hand are easier to convince with social media and virtual environments.
10. Respect
Do this by making them feel that this is their most natural right! People don't like to be put into catalogs and getting filtered. They really deserve respect for only being human. If you think they're though people, I can give you five tactics. First, think of them as if they are a three-year-old child. If a three -year-old child makes a mistake, you will excuse her/him, and you won't take it seriously. Think of it as a loved one, with no more than 24 hours to live and you are the only person knowing that. Think of it as a secret customer and he’s/she’s testing you right now. They will lock you in a room together and you will live there until the end of your life. Finally, think of yourself in a theater scene. The role of the other person is causing you trouble, and your role is to convince that person. When you use these tactics, you will be successful in your professional life.
11. The law of contrast
Everything exists with its opposite. For example, let's put one hand in cold water and the other hand in hot water. Then let's put them both in a bowl with warm water. We notice that our two hands perceive heat differently. This is the physical reflection of the law of contrast. The law of contrast is particularly useful while making prices look more attractive. If you want to show the price is low, you first start with a high-priced product and come to the actual product you are going to sell. Thus, the price of the product is felling like cheaper to the recipient and the attractiveness increases. Give money to people in your company who don't think like you!
12. Don’t ask the question of “why”
If you don't want to challenge the person you want to convince, never ask the reason question. Why are you late? Why didn't you sell? Why don't you buy? Why don't you want to date with me? Each “why” question you asked will lead you to excuses. Human brain focuses on making excuses. So, stop using why questions, and use how and what questions instead of why questions. How can you come home on time? On which price you will buy this from us? What features do you want to have in the person you want to date? You can improve a lot of how and what questions instead of why questions.
13. Desire to pay someone back
We feel an inner desire, a feeling of indebtedness, to a favor has been made to us. Even if this kindness that done to us even though we didn't want it, it could have the same effect on us. This feeling has been taught since childhood, as an etiquette to us. This feeling of indebtedness leads to a feeling of emotional discomfort, and when we find a way to remedy, we got relax, and we feel like we have gotten rid of a burden.
14. The law of mutual compromise
According to the rule, when you expect the other person to fulfill your request, first ask for something bigger and harder to accept than what you want. (But make sure it is not something irrationally large). He/she probably won't agree with doing this. So, when you offer what you really want, he/she will a feeling to at least fulfill your wish. So, both of you will make a mutual compromise, but both of you will get what you want.
15. The law of consistency
People need to be consistent with their words, beliefs, thoughts and behaviors and look like that. This is due to the fact that consistency is a valued and desirable feature by socially. This is due to the fact that consistency is a feature that both desirable and valued by society. This feature also allows for rapid decision-making and mental energy savings for the human beings who are under the bombardment of complex information. According to consistency law, "if one person explains his/her idea written (or in some cases verbal) he/she stick to his/her idea and tend to not change it and defend that idea even if there are evidences which proves it is wrong.
16. Time pressure!
When people feel that they have to make quick decisions, they tend to be persuaded in many occasions, especially in purchasing decisions. For this reason, many sales sites make the pressure with such sentences; “only for 24 hours”, “the last two seats”. Because of the fear of losing, they want to decide immediately.
17. Social evidence principle
When we are uncertain, unsure of ourselves, we consider these things true by looking at what others believed to be true. According to this principle, if a lot of people doing something, it is the right thing to do. The more people find an idea right, the more right the idea becomes. Moreover, if we believe that this group is similar to us and it comes from the same conditions as we do, we believe that information is more accurate.
18. Difficulties are valuable
People who have many difficulties and obstacles to achieve something; find that thing they have is more valuable than those who have less obstacles to achieve the same thing. This rule applies to anything abstract (love, respect) or tangible (home, car). The value of something increases according to the difficulties that are undertaken and dealt with.
19. The principle of association
When we feel positive, we engage in a better assessment against a person, an event or an idea. This is true in the opposite direction while feeling negative. It is based on this principle that advertisers try to connect with the products they promote and transfer the same feelings to the product by establishing a link between the products we like. We may be angry with a friend who gives us bad news, or we may like another person more and more quickly when we learn he/she supports the same team with us.
20. Halo effect and facilitation
A person's good character affects our point of view to him/her in a positive way. The reasons of finding someone attractive might be their physical attractiveness, similar physical characteristics, backgrounds and life purpose and knowing that she/he likes us. These characteristics affect our attitudes and behaviors positively or negatively against to the person in front of us. Make your target’s job easier, beautify, and thus they would have no difficulty while taking you in their habits.
21. Authority
People tend to follow instructions from figures that they accept authority. In particular, if this person is an expert and competent person (or someone perceived to be), it is more likely that we weigh this person’s words. From birth, we learn to accept authority figures. Certain titles, clothes and ornaments representing the authority figure are effective in creating the impression of authority figure in humans.
22. The principle of scarcity
When people are limited to something, that thing becomes more attractive to them. For example, sayings such: “Limited stocks” or “limited edition” is have an effect of increasing the value of the product in the eyes of customer. Accordingly, we lose our freedom as the opportunities decrease, and we hate to lose the freedoms we have. The limitations imposed not only on physical things but also on knowledge push us to the same desire.
More interesting thing about the limited information is, it becomes more desirable than the previously desired, and also become more realistic and credible. This is because we tend to attribute positive qualities to it in order to justify our desire for that information.
Propositions on the principle of scarcity (Robert Cialdini, 2005):
• If our freedom to have something gets limited, we want it more because it becomes scarce.
• If this thing is a knowledge, we tend to increase our desire for that knowledge which is prevented to be accessed, as well as a tendency to find that information; right.
• We all desire more if there is a case of a competition along with scarcity.
• After giving people a certain realm of freedom, taking it back causes rebellion.
23. The desire to not to lose, the desire to win
People desire more not to lose something they have, instead of something they can win. Even what they can lose and what they can win have equal value, this situation does not change. The desire to win is an important technique in persuasion. Achievement triggers for more achievements.
24. The endpoints are remembered
It has been explored that people's memories reflect the last thing, not the overall experience. People often remember how an event ended, reflecting it in the overall process, in the past.
25. Make them to experienced
If someone imagines that he's/she’s performing a behavior, his/her attitude towards that behavior changes. The more often a person imagines a pattern of behavior, the more his intention and attitude towards the desired behavior will change.
For these changes to take place, the main character in the imagined scene must be himself/herself. The intentions and attitudes created by the assessments made about real experiences continue to impact for at least three days. “What would happen if you had gone through this?” People continue to believe, even if all the evidence contradicts their beliefs, as long as the evidence is not practical (experiential). Statistics, evaluations and theoretical arguments cannot lead to the elimination of belief. You can only learn the validity of something with living. Seeing is believing. Real estate agents know very well the power of this tactic. While they show a house, they want people to see that house as if their home. It is a powerful visual technique to take a person from someone else's home and move them to their own home. That's why they ask questions to customers like, “where do you think you should put your TV?” or “where do you want to put your seats?”. It's helpful to “visualize” the things he said about what he will do.
26. Gift, Promotion
In persuasion, it is important to make other side feel special and valuable. Even a single rose could make you smile. For this reason, catchy gifts and promotions will be effective at persuasion. Especially in the business world, you can give 5% of your income as a gift to your customers. Tickets to his/her favorite game, books, educational invitation, clothes, pictures, whatever you can think of. They need to remember you and get excited. For this you can utilize your costumer's likes and dislikes at social media. Gifts will make it easier for you to establish an emotional bond. Nowadays business hotels put their customers family photos at their rooms instead of a cheap 25-dollar wine; with this they can feel themselves as home. Your target should feel special because of the gift and promotion he has received and it should leave a permanent mark.
27. Limit the options
Fewer options make it easier to make choices, and make your choice better and more effective. For instance, in a grocery store people bought more Jam when they offered 6 choices compared to when they offered 20 jam choices. As in this example here, increasing the options increases the number of the people who tastes jams, not the sales!
28. Action comes before the emotion
Move! Move your body if your goal is not moving and your attempts to persuade are not going well. Stand up and walk in the room. It is a proven fact that this movement will also stimulate emotions. Do this also for the other person. If you activate your target physically, you can also change the mood of your target. Changing of physical position also changes the mental state. When our bodies are in a fixed position, our minds may freeze in a similar way. Countless research has shown that the best way to get a person out of his or her mind is to move his or her body.
29. Give a secret!
Give them a new information: If you help a person to learn a new information, you will make it easier for them to make a new decision (I mean, they decide to follow you). In this way, you can make your target felt comfortable about he/she made the past decisions according to conditions at those time. Now that they have new information, they can change their decisions in the light of this information.
30. First 7 Seconds Effect
Whether you are aware or not, people will evaluate you for years within the first 7 seconds they see you. Then whatever you do, they treat you according to their first record. They put you in a catalog with 10-12 words you can talk about in 7 seconds, your posture, your smile, your hand shake, your energy. We all pass people through 4 filters. We record according to our values, beliefs, expectations and emotions. Therefore, the first acquaintances are very valuable. Especially for the process of persuasion, it is also necessary to use it correctly.
31. Decision making creates stress
As we approach our purpose or goal (e.g. Wedding day) it is a proven fact that our probability to having regrets increases. When we people feel that we have lost the freedom of choice, we feel fear and tension. Even if it is a trivial matter to choose what we eat in a restaurant, as moment of decision is approaches, this tension can paralyze us. This regret leads a person to sabotage himself or herself in a destructive behavior. This is why people feel good about the idea of making pension insurance next year; however, if they have to pay their retirement liability right now, they give up their retirement insurance.
32. Addressing emotions
Many studies have proven that to convince a person, you need to address his feelings. Although even what you say is sense and sound, if you can't address their emotions, it will be difficult to convince them. We take most of our decisions emotionally. Then we try to rationalize them, whether they are right or not, by trying to make them look logical.
33. Break the Resistances!
Doing your work perfectly is sometimes not enough. That's why sometimes you need to break the resistance of your target. You can initiate persuasion communication by breaking many resistances such as; resistance to change, resistance against making decisions, resistance to changing habits. Being in a hurry for this could hurt. You can start with small requests and you can ask them to find themselves with strong questions. You can follow them with the 21-day funnel system. First get a one “yes”: Sometimes people build strong walls in front of them because they know that once they stumble, they will lose the war. It is said that the easiest people you can sell something are the ones who write at their doorstep, “no dealer or marketer can enter”. This is because these people know that if a seller reaches them, whatever they sell, they will buy it. For example, you want someone to write up to numbers one to a hundred on a sheet of paper, and if you know what number he is predicting, he will accept your request. They will probably agree to this offer, because you have a very low chance of knowing the right one. If, he/she still refuses, then you will understand that he/she is extremely stubborn. This is an excellent test to find out how open-minded a person is. What's more, it leads you to a way to accept the idea completely.
34. The law of expectation:
The placebo effect in psychology is an example of the expectation law. According to this, drugs which is given to patients, they do not contain any substances, but patients do not know that. After that, the patient feels better. In addition, according to the expectation law, we act accordingly how we see ourselves. If you can change a person's thoughts about himself/herself, you can change his/her behavior. People unconsciously feel a desire to act in harmony with their ideas in their mind.
35. Watch out for the ego
According to research, people tend to be more helpful if their friends' success is do not pose a threat to their self-esteem. Make sure you don't pose a threat to the person you want to help or do not let him/her think that you're competing with him/her. Eliminate any competition between you. Make him feel; you and I, we are in this together; instead of making him feel like; you're helping me get what I want.
36. Do not defend the reasons which are based on fear!
How do you explain them without appearing to be defending your actions?
The last thing you want to do is be perceived as defending them. When you make a mistake the best way to explain is to connect your mistake to fear. Whether it's personal or business, you're dealing with human beings all the time. And every human being understands fear. Fear is primitive and pure (e.g. I lied, because I feared you would hate me if you knew the truth). Remember, the goal is to re-establish the sense of balance. Because connecting your reasons to fear reduces your own ego perception.
37. Make hem talk
By compelling a person to think about their feelings, you are actually subconsciously pushing him to support you, and share his thoughts with you. To do this you need to do focus on how one feels about the situation, not the situation itself. This will increase his/her willingness to talk about the subject, also his/her concerns and feelings. They will feel the need of talking to someone about a stressful event that is actually happening in their life.
38. We love who is similar to us
People feel close to themselves who have similar types of clothing, past and similar personality traits. These people subconsciously create a sense of confidence in us. Therefore, having the same characteristics as the people we want to convince will make it easier to persuade.
39. Insist, but do not overdo it
People want to see how determined you are and how long you can resist rejection. If you are confident in yourself and in your opinion, send your message over and over again. The most important feature of successful sellers is that they can repeat sales initiatives more than 7 times. Try different ways each time but also you should know where to stop.
40. The law of friendship
We are more likely to fulfill the wishes of the people we know. We tend to respond and treat more positively to them. So, you are more likely to convince someone who knows you closely.
41. Transfer of excitement
You can't be successful in any job where you don't feel excited or feel intense. Be excited and make this excitement feel on the opposite side. The excitement is contagious. Transfer your excitement while you are presenting, selling, meeting, entering the house or talking on the phone with a friend.
42. Pretend like you have succeeded
The common feature of successful people is that they pretend like they have succeeded at what they are working on. So, they have the ability to see the end of the movie in the most difficult moments. And they always keep this talent alive.
Active Listening;
Silence your mind, break your ego, and listen as if you are talking with the world's most important people about the world's most important secrets. Accept and respect the person you are talking with unconditionally. 30% talk, 70% listen. Excite, inspire, confirm.
With your gesture and facial expression make them understand that you are enjoying listening. Whether you're on the phone face-to-face or in a call center, listen effectively wherever you are. Listen with respect, even though you've guessed what he/she going to say or you have heard it over and over again. Do listening exercises. Listen the aged people at nursing homes or curious children. Listen the “tough” people or people with high ego and those who do not understand. Listen without considering yourself. Listen with your heart. While listening focus on the big picture and do not stuck on the details. Your body language will describe your listening quality. Listen with 100 %focus. Listen as if listening your favorite friend for the last time.
Do not prepare to talk while listening. Do not compare what you live through while listening. Do not start speaking by saying “me too”. Do not interrupt, try to find leads. Don't pass the information through your own filter; ask, "Did I get it right?" Take notes. Don't be defensive immediately, let him get psychological oxygen, soothe him.
Listening is not been taught in societies where reading and writing are taught in schools. Constantly improve your listening skills. The easiest way to gain people’s trust, to show interest to them and to be important for them is listening.
Win the people who you will touch to their lives; with listening them. We must learn to nurture ourselves with contrast, differences and those who do not think like us.
Listen with love, passion…
Conflict management and Persuasion
Erdem Karagöz
If we define conflict briefly, we can say instability, incompatibility and dilemma. Now we need strong observations. Can you list the common characteristics of people around you who are constantly fighting and are not good at communicate with quality?
I can count right away. These people have qualifications like; not having sufficiently developed communication skills, they would be happy to enter and win a conflict, they are in conflict with people rather than events, and they evaluate all the time instead of the problem in front.
Common characteristics of people who are constantly conflicts
For them, communication is only loud speeches supported by body language. Talk to 99% so that person in front of you could not even find time to talk and win!
They are not clear to life. Yet the concepts of collecting people and cooperation are not sufficiently developed in them.
Instead of talking about it and solving it, they need to be right and approved.
Perception differences and empathy skills are not developed.
They often contradict themselves. They are not at peace with themselves. So, it's normal to have conflicts with others.
They always try to find the right person; they don't think about being the right person.
They drown in prejudices.
Their lives go by trying to change others.
They must work hard in terms of their ego management. They can't control what they said, how they said and when they say it. They constantly defend themselves or attack others unnecessarily.
They perceive employees, customers and managers as threats and competitors.
They always care about themselves instead of their jobs.
To manage and understand these people, you need to have strong communication skills, especially listening skills, and persuasion skills. You must not internalize any event you encounter. You should leave a good first impression. And during the conflict, neither passive nor very active role should be taken.
It is necessary to be patient and to be indicative of the outcome to be achieved. You should play your cards open and show the result clearly. You should not enter the conversation with negative expressions, in short you should not provoke them. Also, you should know that every person has a hot button. And if you're a good listener, they will tell you that.
Storytelling
Storytelling is very important for corporate trainers. The better your ability to tell stories in presentations, the more likely you are going to leave a mark. Stories have a hypnotic language. So, it breaks the ice and prevents conflicts. It is a magical way to raise interest and keep your audience in the game.
The best way to learn is creating bonds with stories. Stories are awesome mind maps in learning and keeping it in mind. We encounter less questions and problems in narratives made with story setup. There's always curiosity in the stories, listeners would not want it to be finished. You should always have stories that are relevant to the subject. In the process of persuasion, you can establish strong communication with stories.
Stories are the brain's adaptors.
It keeps focus and attention high.
It increases interactive interaction and provides a friendly environment.
It allows idea exchange. Both listening quality and courage to speak increases in the environment.
It helps to develop the skill of imagination.
The voice tone of the narrator and body language become more noticeable by the intensity of emotion.
It makes it easy for everyone to express themselves.
"In fact, there are only a few different stories about mankind, and these stories have been told over and over again as if they had never been told before though years" says Pulitzer Award-winning author Willa Cather.
It is indeed like this. From ancient mythology to Hollywood, all stories are made up of several major genres. From the darkest ages until today, all cultures tell the same stories.
From the highest places to the lowest places we all get excited, get angry, become hopeful with these stories which are essentially the same. We make sense out of these stories and we inspired from them. These stories connect us together.
Stories have common features all over the world. Stories which are have been told in New York or a village at Australia or another village at Turkey are very similar to each other in a shocking rate. Even the difference of culture and language cannot eliminate this.
Language of story is the best communication language. Because the story reaches directly to their subconscious without being stuck on the wall in the mind audience’s mind and convinces them. Consciousness has a logical, questioning, resistant, criticizing working process. The subconscious stores our values and our beliefs but it can’t make the reasoning. It processes like everything is real and it cannot distinguish whether the thing is real or not. Therefore, the information that once settled in our subconscious becomes a guiding principle that influences us throughout our lives.
Our mind, our ego, creates a very serious obstacle for us to accept the logic of others. If a person develops an opinion on his own, he/she will be firmly attached to this opinion and will not want to change his/her mind. In order not to be persuaded, they use all their strength to resist. Even though it may seem like a contradiction, trying to overturn a person's view with logic would make that view even stronger in that person.
For us, identifying ourselves with heroes in the stories is easier than facing our own realities. It is much easier to take lessons from stories (point a moral) than to take lessons from our own mistakes.
Stories create a theatre scene in the audience's eyes and the hero in the story takes a lesson from the events. The audience learns from the lesson that is told to the hero, not to himself, in the story.
Stories are effective because they catch our common human aspects and exceeds the defense mechanisms of our mind softly. What makes the stories immortal for centuries are these bonds which stories have established with humans.
It is much easier to activate people we connect with stories than to convince them with logical and rational data. Because people identify themselves with heroes in stories.
While listening to stories, people get in a comfortable position. They focus on the heroes and events in the story. They try to understand without a defense. That is why stories create a trans state where perceptions are very clear.
The world of the story is a magical world where the mechanisms loosened such as; defense, psychological structure seeking the meaning of the mind, defending and questioning, and seeking the meaning in everything. A well-told story not only takes under the influence of the listeners and make them to take action, but it also initiates a communication from ear to ear. No one can resist to urge pass on a story that he listened, influenced, and felt like was a part of it.
Storytelling
Didn't we learn the good and the bad from the stories our parents told us?
These stories taught us what the world is like they also taught us; the heroes and the traitors, the truths and the mistakes. Poverty and wealth also have been taught us via stories. The stories taught us that every human being can face difficult situations, everybody could be exhausted and could be broke or powerless.
But most importantly, stories taught us that there is no such thing as desperation; that we have the power to bring out the hero in ourselves. We have learned from the stories that everybody can be left alone and broke, but nobody will never be desperate. In every difficult situation we have encountered, we have preserved our hope because of stories. Even when we were in the most difficult time, the heroes in the world of stories inspired us, and we took power from them.
So, what kind of story would you have to tell?
In fact, in every case, there are different stories to be told. Many of these stories are already in our subconscious collectively. That's why it's important to tell stories that everyone can easily understand:
Stories of wisdom, anecdotes that we came across in real life, life stories of well-known or unknown people, mystic stories, mythological stories, maybe Nasreddin Hodja, maybe Ezop tales. Whether a tale of famous collection of Persian Indian and Arabian folk tales also known as "The Thousand and One Nights or a story from Homer's Iliada Andodyssia saga… Or stories that are the product of your imagination, that lie on your everyday experiences, and reflect your view of life, your basic values.
There are so many beautiful stories, that each of it fits a different situation. The epics of Creation tells us where we came from in almost every religion and culture.
The stories of transformation are not just the stories of the frog princes, they tell us that human beings can change and grow. Or we can learn from stories that we should not judge the book by the cover, a prince could be hidden in a frog.
Mythological stories are based on greed, desire, jealousy, cunning, pride. In all mythologies, all emotions that makes someone human are told through the gods.
Folk tales describe the values, beliefs, fears and hopes of a society. These stories inspire us; on the one hand it criticizes society and people, on the other hand it shows the ways of a better world.
Stories and fairy tales are the language of real people and include the most powerful lessons in each case. Both stories and fairy tales, if well described, have a tremendous influence in all conditions.
For this reason, we need to reinvent stories to inspire people and initiate the change we need all over life.
One of Hollywood's most famous storytellers, writer Robert McKee, says, “The language of our mind is the language of story. If a person wants to present their own thoughts with stories, the listener will not resist it, on the contrary will embrace the narrator.”.
What do you think about adding this simple but very effective method to your life?
REFERENCE RETRIEVAL TECHNIQUE
The equivalent of getting reference in the sales business is that your customers share their experiences with you in the environments where you are not present. In the sales business, taking full reference is this. It is the transfer of this excitement to others by adding value and bonding.
There is no sales channel that will affect as fast as the people who transfers their past experiences to others. For this reason, companies share past customer posts and videos in their social media. Your most important sales and network to reach is the new customers references. You will naturally need new customers to keep the business flowing. The fastest and cheapest way to do this is the references. The business life of a seller who can't get a good reference is short!
The new customer is actually a chain of old happy customers. Remember, everyone knows at least 10 acquaintances at their own level. Every customer that you add value and care about their problems will not only make you money but also get you to new customers. This enables you to gain continuous profits.
Someone who references you in the past will continue to reference you because of cognitive consistency, which is one of the most important rules of the persuasion. People tend to be consistent with their behavior in the past. Your customer will act according to how you frame him/her as a customer. You should frame he/she is someone who's helpful, well-connected, and loved by everyone. When you transfer this image to your customer, your customer will act accordingly and take the time to think for you.
Every customer you add value, give private information and secrets, treat differently will feel indebted to you because of this sincere behavior. People act instead of feeling indebted. They want to find out how they can help you. You can ask for references from your customers to whom you have a relationship. It will be much easier for you to do business with customers that are prepared by your other customer’s references rather than to reach people who do not know you and invest in new customers.
In fact, the secret of good sellers earn more after a certain period of time; is the references that they obtain. You can have breakfast at the office instead of lunch with your old customers to get references. This will save you more time and create a more intimate atmosphere. You can send reminders with handwritten notes and small gifts. When you learn to share 5% of your income with your older customers, you will start a great interaction and increase your references.
Increase your interactive interaction in social media. Remember, people like to be appreciated, to be approved and to be noticed about what they write in social media. Don't just share yourself, your business and your products in social media. Regularly comment and follow your customers for 15-20 minutes.
To gain confidence, it will not be enough just having good relationships. Improve your skills and manage your sales attitude positively. In order to get a recommendation from them make them sense that you are an expert in this field.
Most importantly comprehend fast that who is willing to give a recommendation for who and all the other varieties. Remind yourself to your customer by staying within the line of harassment and following. Sellers' most disliked word is “you didn't came to my mind”
You can start checking lists right now!
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
Understanding Women
Erdem Karagöz
In the book named “Türk İşi İkna” there is a section named; Understanding Women on page 192. But the page is completely empty! The author has not understood women yet! Information needs to be updated frequently. Women's operating system is really different from men. Shall we begin?
Women are a life-form that hypercritical and accumulating. Men, on the other hand are a life-form that result-oriented and have a memory like a sieve. Man has the ability to forget when he physically escapes from the discussion. A woman can be as dangerous as a wounded lion when the discussion is interrupted. They enjoy long conversations in discussions and remembering and repeating every photo frame of the past. Women find details very interesting. In particular, they never forget the negative details. They see this as a reflex of protection. They think that the problems in the past should be kept on the agenda so that they will not happen again. They want to feel themselves valuable, talk and to be listened and to get their psychological oxygen. Men want to close a very serious discussion for women with the classic “manly” language.
Hıı- hıı
OK. we get it.
We talk later.
I have more important things to do now.
It's not worth discussing with you.
These words hurt a woman more than a discussion. Instead of solving the problem, it causes thousands of new problems to occur. The man seeks his mother in the woman in front of him, but he can't find her. On the other hand, women do not look for her father. Women creates a man in her dreams and fights forever to change her husband, her lover. Men accept this change during the flirtation period. Then he returns to his essence! The perfect man in the process of getting a woman changes suddenly after he got the woman. Women can't understand this behavior because men struggle obtain it, women struggle to keep it.
The male relationship goes from eroticism to romanticism, while the female relationship goes from romanticism to eroticism. In this trip, the duration of a romantic table accompanied by candlelight violin must be up to the time of a photo shooting will be published on Facebook according to men. Women want to make that meal unforgettable with the finest details. The woman wants this moment to last for hours. She can remember all the details of conversation on that table years later. Man does not remember any details from that table because he is not even there with his mind at the moment. To understand the woman; somethings must be understood such as her ear in the rhythm of the violin, her pleasure of sipping the wine at the very moment, and you must catch the glare of her eyes in your eyes. You need to feel how she become free with you. You must be able to imagine her disappearance in you; among dozens of people, her standing like as you watch boat calmly stands in a port. When a man learns to focus on details, he starts to understand the woman.
Understanding the reflex of lying and women. The man is really incapable of lying. The reason for this he has not been sufficiently suppressed in the past, as a result of that his skills of lying have not been developed in time. Because the woman has been forced to lie about everything, her infrastructure is quite robust. A 25-year-old man who just starts lying can't plan the details of a lie. Woman on the other hand is an expert on body language, voice recognition and pupil reading, like as a FBI agent. They have the ability to analyze as much as a psychologist. They are as good listeners as therapists and as good observers as life coaches. Their abilities are not limited with these. They are excellent at matching different events because they have thousands of experiences in lying. They can cross-examine you like an interrogator. I want you to know that this column is not enough to telling and understanding the woman.
Do not stop the researching, focusing on details and feeling.
PRIMITIVE BRAIN
Human beings take most of his/her decisions without thinking about it, using some kind of his/her own methods and shortcuts.
The right side of the human brain is an expert on creativity, and the left side is an expert on logic. The human brain develops from three sections known as the forebrain, midbrain and primitive brain.
We rationalize with our forebrain. The midbrain manages our emotional world. Our primitive brain manages our most primitive needs such as protection from dangers, defending ourselves, breeding and feeding. Scientists say that the real boss of our subconscious is our the primitive brain.
The primitive brain of human being is programmed to survive and protect his/her own interests. The selfish, greedy and aggressive nature of human being is due to the primitive brain that has never evolved in millions of years. The existence of mankind in the world goes back millions of years. Words (languages) have been in our lives for nearly 40,000 years. Writing however, has been around 5,000 years. So, the history of words is almost as new as yesterday, compared to the evolution of the brain.
Although humans defines himself/herself as intelligent and logical, he/she actually takes most decisions with his/her primitive brain. Studies have shown that the primitive brain plays an important role in our purchasing decisions.
It is scientifically impossible for a political leader or a brand to influence people only by addressing their forebrain, in other words, their logic. Man seeks solutions that go through firstly primitive brain's evaluation then solutions which satisfy the logic and the emotions. Therefore, no matter what the subject is, the way to convincing people is addressing his/her primitive brain. Communication, which does not address the primitive brain of a man, is a useless communication.
Patrick Renvoise says there are six keys to influence the primitive brain:
The primitive brain is egocentric. It interests only with vital matters. It does not care about things that won't do him any good. If the incoming message isn't in its interest, it won't be interested.
It is about this structure of the primitive brain that things such as fear, fun, pleasure, opportunity are very valid persuasive materials in both marketing and politics.
2. Primitive brain is sensitive to contrasts. Primitive brain seeks a standard when making decisions. Therefore, the primitive brain understands contrasts and contradictions. Contrasts like before-after, risky-safe, fast-slow, expensive-cheap make it easier for the primitive brain to decide. Neutral expressions, generalizations, scientific explanations, determinations, propositions… do not mean anything to the primitive brain.
This feature of our brain is very guiding for politicians, marketers and communicators. Each offer to the consumer must carry at least one of these contradictions.
3. The primitive brain needs concrete data. Words, the raw material of logic, are valuable for the forebrain. However, the primitive brain cannot solve abstract, complex messages because it does not have the ability to process words. The primitive brain does not understand abstract messages.
One of the biggest mistakes made by the communicators is not considering the fact that audience they address has not got an advanced forebrain like themselves. In fact, the majority of people around the world use their upper brains very little; they take most of their decisions with primitive brains without thinking about it. Large masses understand the embodiment, not the abstraction. This is why concrete stories are effective, rather than theoretical explanations and general expressions. Every communicator needs to use this story technique.
4. The primitive brain is sensitive to the beginning and end of every subject. The primitive brain does not remain awake in the whole process; it is programmed to conserve its energy. It gets distracted very quickly. Therefore, in all communications, the most important information should be given at the beginning and the striking message must be repeated at the end. Since the primitive brain constantly rests itself in order to preserve its energy, it spends time between the beginning and the end of the subject with closed attention.
Everyone who communicates needs to know this feature of the human brain. The effect of the communication, which its message not given in the beginning and not repeated at the end of the communication, is very weak. Unfortunately, most communicators with artistic concerns ignore this very important fact and reduce the impact of the communication by their own hand.
5. Primitive brain is visual. The ability to read and understand the article is a very new phenomenon in human history. Moreover, reading-thinking-understanding-evaluating-making decisions is a long and troublesome process. Most people don't go through all this trouble. However, it is very easy and fast for everyone to perceive an image and make decisions.
It is as old as humanity to react something that he/she witness. The primitive brain immediately recognizes a danger or opportunity and acts accordingly. The forebrain needs a longer time to understand what it sees.
Human being takes most of his decisions with his primitive brain. After that forebrain justifies, express and tries to make it meaningful the decision made by primitive brain. The difficulty of market researches and political researches stems from this feature of the human brain. Human beings decide for reasons that he or she is not even fully aware of. But everybody also wants to give a logical answer to every question that is asked to them. For this reason, researches often includes “artificial findings” that do not match the realities.
6. The primitive brain is emotional. The fact that a person can't forget a subject depends on how much they affected while they experienced it. People only remember memories when they feel something about it. On the contrary, if they had a very intense feeling, they would never forget that memory. This is why people never forget their first kisses with their lovers or partners or an event that they afraid so much (such as an earthquake).
Regardless of the subject, if communication does not appeal to one's emotions, that communication has no effect. To be effective, communication must address feelings such as joy, sadness, surprise, fear, disgust or anger. (Communication that only addresses logic, the forebrain, is not communication. Such communication can be a scientific text. But the target group of this text is a limited number of scientists who only use their forebrains.)
Persuading people is an integral part of our work, no matter what we do. The way to convince people is to address their primitive brains. It's not enough to saying the truth; anyone who wants to succeed must understand how the primitive brain works.
Communicators who understand the primitive brain of a human are aware of the secret of an effective communication.
FEEDBACK
Do you really understand it? Do they really understand me? Why companies spend millions of dollars on feedbacks to generate new ideas?
In order to complete the interaction, the feedback must be received orally or in writing and it must be approved. Every feedback is a gift, therefore, your feedback, gifts should be positive.
Is the person in front of us capable of understanding and perceiving the feedback? Is he/she ready to hear? You should learn this by asking. Is his/her mood constructive and positive? If not, you should prepare it. If the person is not ready, he/she may perceive it as an offensive attack rather than a positive feedback.
Does your feedback work or not? You must observe this. Feedbacks start with molds like; “My idea", "according to me", "I thought so" are look like very positive, but the perception of the opposite side could be negative. These kind of feedbacks breaks down communication resistances and affects all future feedbacks,” your opinion on this matter is very important” “I want your knowledge, your experiences” “according to you, what can be done”? People activate more easily when you transfer them a message that says, "you and your ideas are important."
Correct feedback sheds light on blind areas and enhances these areas. Healthy feedback is produced in safe environments where cooperation is close. We do not really like getting feedbacks because human beings are pragmatist in their nature. You can use the sandwich technique while providing feedbacks as well as in difficult jobs.
First, appreciate them then, say what you should say. Finally, close the sandwich by explaining their successful and correct work.
Providing feedback on a topic that people cannot control increases the tension. When the price of a product or service is increased, it would be useless to blaming the cashier, it will not do anything but increasing the tension. If you tell the manager to forward this message to the company, there is a possibility that it can be corrected.
You should also present new behavior options when giving feedback. Feedback that does not lead to a solution causes new excuses.
When giving feedback, you must be aware of what to say, when to say, how to say and how they will react.
Explain the situation and the environment, “Yesterday you answered my email four hour late! I was on a tough spot to inform the client. What can we do to help you speed it up? Your quick respond to mails will positively affect our workflow.”
When you are telling this to them, you must support them and make them feel that you are a part of the solution.
When you make a feedback, which is general and not directed specifically to anyone it will not be owned by anyone. Feedbacks must have an owner. In the field of persuasion, professionals share the negative situations one-to-one and quickly, while the rewarding is done within the group.
Communication of Expectation
Erdem Karagöz
Sale is the answer of the expectations. Customers want to feel special and valuable. Contrary to popular belief, the customer simply does not look at the price. They want to be appreciated, to be approved, applying of deadlines an earlier date, unexpected surprises, extension of collection dates and customized quality are also important for the customer.
Then how do we know what the client wants? The answer is simple. We can learn by asking the customer. Because every customer is another world and their expectations can vary at any time. With every new information, environment and changes in their quality of life makes their expectations change.
You can look at what you sold to the last 10 customers and see how you could not sell to the last 10 customers. These will give you general tips. However, pay attention the strong questions you will ask to your customers and the answers they give in the first 5 seconds with subliminal decisions without thinking about these questions.
Listen very well, talk with them to get their psychological oxygen. When they start to trust you, they will begin to tell you their true expectations. When you solve them, you will be able to agree on prices, discounts and other options much easier.
Understanding the customer is not as difficult as you think, you just need to read them very well. He/she is resisting the price. So, what does he/she want to get? Are they want to get faster service or products? A better payment schedules. Do they want to feel more valuable as an individual? You must have a new communication channel with the customer; Communication of expectation
You should also have a strong decision-making system while learning about the customer's expectations. You must prepare your client to the realities of your company. The medicine of expectation communication is establishing a bond. Even if the customer gives up your product, he/she must remain connected to your company, in case of a having problem with the company you must be their communication channel.
You must gather the expectations of your customers, your company, and also your expectations in a pool.
Sellers who develop expectation communication do not make sentences with words such as "I", "according to me", "in our company”. They include their "customers" into the “we” word.
TO BE ABLE TO SAY NO
One of the most important indicators of self-confidence is to be able to say no. Imagine how much work you've done even though it was not your duty, because you can't say no. How much did you suffer? Which difficulties did you encounter? Being able to say no; is an art. We steal from our social environment’s and our family’s time because we're afraid to break someone’s heart. In order not to disrespect others, we disrespect our loved ones. We have the right to say no to our environment, to our friends, to our colleagues. It is the most natural right for our children to say no to us. Also, it is our most natural right to say no to our children.
One must feel strong to be able to say no. You should not think that future relationships can be damaged by saying no. We don't have to show a clear stance to say no. Also, there is no need to explain the reasons for saying no. It is necessary to look at the situation as follows: the relationship that will be destroy by a “no” has not on a solid foundation. Such relationships do not work with one-sided, endless sacrifices.
Do you realize that young generations, your children, can say no more easily? In the past, a child was told to "shut up", "sit down", "you're little", "no" for a million times. Those children could not say no because of his subconscious filled with 1 million shots he took until the age of 18 in his mind and soul. For that reason, those who make a habit of saying yes should exercise on saying no. Stand in front of the mirror. And say, "I'm strong," "I'm self-confident," "no one can make me do things that I do not want." Then look at yourself and say "no" to all this.
When your child asked a laptop after he/she learned how to read and write in primary school and showed his/her school report to you. If you can't say no to this, you can't make him/her happy without buying a chopper when he/she get into university.
While saying no, do not start your sentences with words like “I am sorry but…”. Why are you doing if you're sorry! Just explain to the other person why you can't do that very clearly. Do not speak with open ended sentences. Thus, nobody could question you. Make them feel that you are confident and determined. Do not use sentences like "I will do it later", "you start with me and I will help you later", "I hope we do it".
Being able to say no requires self-confident. So, when your children say no to you accept it. If you accept this, your children can easily say no to others in their future. You will give promises if you cannot say no as a result of that you do all the unnecessary works. As long as you do things well, tasks will be given to you. After a while, others will discover you, they will start to do giving their jobs without even thanking you. That is why people should be able to say no.
STRONG QUESTIONS
STRONG QUESTION
If you have 40 strong questions in your pocket, plus questions to fill out these questions, your persuasion communication will be perfect. Don't give advises to people, leave them in a reduced area of freedoms to make their own decisions. Never make them focus on excuses by asking the “why” question. Such as:
“How” questions
How did you think/felt/behaved?
How will you think/feel/behave?
How is it going to be/ How did that happen?
How did you react? / How will you react?
How did you do achieve in the past?
How would you like to be treated?
“What” questions
What happened? /What will happen?
What did you think about that / What will you do about that?
What makes you think that?
What does this mean for you?
What do you do differently, next time?
What's behind this?
What is important about this?
What did you learn from that?
What is the reason for choosing this?
What will you do next time?
“When” questions
When did it start?
When do you have to do it?
When did it first occur?
When did you notice this?
When did you decide?
When is this going to happen?
“Where” questions
Where is this happening?
Where can we begin to change?
Where did everything go wrong?
Where do you see yourself at …?
Where does this lead you?
Questions of Clarity
What do you mean by saying …?
What does ... mean for you?
Did I get you right?
Does that sound right to you?
Questions of Detail
Would you like to talk about it in more detail about this subject?
Can you explain this more?
Is there anything would you like to add to that?
Is there anything else you can say about that?
Challenging questions
What is your evidence for this?
What is your reason for thinking like that?
Can this be seen in another way? / Can this be viewed from another angle?
Does this make sense?
Does this helpful?
Is that a comment or a fact?
Objecting questions
Can you help me here? On one hand you say …., but on the other hand, you specify .....
You said you have done ... but actually you ...
You said you have done ... but you yet ...
Appreciative Questions
Talk about some important achievements in your life.
What do you owe these achievements?
Tell me your three important, strong sides.
How did these strong sides work for you in the past? Give me a few examples.
How can we build these strengths on a foundation and adapt them for the current situation?
How can we improve these strong sides?
CREATING A VISION
Is your vision provocative and daring?
Is your vision motivating and inspiring?
Is your vision pushing you to be very good?
You should start with these questions to create vision for yourself and others.
Because vision is the definition of how you want to be seen in the future. If you create a vision that people can reach, you will eliminate their boundaries while persuading them. In other words, you will give the targets to know how they walk on the way.
They collaborate more easily with you when they have a purpose for their lives, whether they are your team worker or your family member. They will be more creative and open-minded. It is difficult to activate people, groups who do not have a purpose or a vision. If they do not have a navigation for their route, they may have to stop everywhere and try to get accurate or inaccurate information from everyone.
Leaders invite their followers, company employees and customers to be their companions by telling their visions to them. When people believe they are on the right path, they will spend more energy and they become clearer.
The biggest obstacles to producing a good vision are; not looking for the good because of the current situation, thinking about the mockery that people will make, being overly traditional, having a mind that has only a short-term thinking.
Vision should not depend on the person you are dealing with because it can be revised and can vary according to the circumstances.
Show people clearly where they are right now, how they can reach their goals, what they can do for this, and where they want to go. In the process, make them feel your companionship, and how to make this journey easier for them. Show them that they can't find the truth without removing all the obstacles in front of their dreams in their minds.
The person who you create vision for must find some strong causes. Make him/her create sentences like: “Why should I do this, because...”
When creating a vision, you must express yourself like, that vision you created for them is their own vision. Vision is the distilled state of dreams. First, you must have created your own vision clearly. Remove limitations, be proactive, not reactive. Keep their motivation alive by telling them stories of successful people.
EXAMPLE
Facilitator
You are planning to go to the airport, and you have limited time and little money. You might miss your flight. And you're asking for help from someone you came across. The person you're asking for help saying these after looking at his watch: “Now listen to me carefully, go to the -1st floor then take the subway which is going to come in 2 minutes. The road will take 12 minutes. By the way, you can complete online check-in while you are on the subway. From there you will take another subway via walking 90 seconds. After you take 2. subway you will be at airport in 17 minutes. Other than that, there is no chance reaching to the airport with any vehicle or taxi while traffic jammed like this. If you think you're having trouble call me right away. Here my phone number writes in this card”
You're at the airport!
If you want to be an expert in the field of persuasion, you should know that people will interact with you constantly once you make their lives easier. Then they will trust your guidance much more.
For example, you helped someone to finding a job. That person will be ready to serve you in his/her entire career.
In fact, we make our lives easier without realizing it while making others’ lives easier.
A part of your mind should always consider the question "how can I help?"
People are needed to get support in the areas and Works which they do not do every day, such as decision making, problem solving, strategy formulation, conflict resolution, communication development, change management, product service development, and innovation. In fact, convincing people to specialize in these vital areas and having enough equipment to help others will also make your life easier.
Since the point of view that creates the problem cannot solve the problem, another point of view is needed to make things easier. You can touch people's lives by keeping sincerity and competence in balance.
Observe the emotional area of the person in front of you. If the person you want to make his/her life easier is not ready to take action, encourage them first. Focus on the strengths of the person. For example, establish the link between the magnificent pictures of mathematics for someone who is very talented in art but really bad at mathematics. Show them what they can do if they want to. Think outside the box. You cannot destroy paradigms with ordinary perspectives and patterns. Have them experience that there are other ways to exit.
If there is congestion, think otherwise. For example, about customer satisfaction think this question; “how can we make our customers more unhappy?” And look for an answer to this question. Search for an answer to the question of “how can we sale less?” if you want sale more.
AMBITIOUS BODY LANGUAGE
How does your body language deliver a reliable message? To convince people in social and professional life, you must reflect your ambitious body language to others. Check how your visual contact, handshake, posture of your shoulders, your approach angle, your tone of voice affects those who follow you. Then look at how people who has a affect on you do it!
What features do you like as the body language of the people who convince you? Their clothes, their positions, their gaze, their nonverbal messages, auras, their smiles. Write down what comes to your mind!
Invest in change, see how you are perceived in different environments.
What do your friends say when you ask your style? How do you sell your body language? Participate in body language trainings and image training to be assertive. Work with image and body language experts.
Present a power pose. Impress people with this stance that represents trust, stability, and solid grounds.
Apart from that, improve your open, direct communication skills to make your body language interaction much better. Contact with whoever you need to talk to.
Remove the word “sir” from your words. There is no master-slave communication in the world of professionals! The word “sir” gives a message that your subconscious mind belongs to the lower class and that you have an acceptable stance. By saying “sir” you are handing the superiority directly to the person in front of you. After that, convincing and influencing becomes quite difficult.
You can say “you” instead of the word “sir”.
Do not apologize unless you have to. Don't start the sentence by apologizing, don't end the sentence by apologizing. By doing so, you will lose the effect of what have you told.
Do exercises that will prevent your voice from trilling when you speak. You can read books out loud for 15 minutes a day. You can take breathing courses. Avoid talking in your very emotional moments.
Talk less and listen to others with this, they would listen more what you have to say.
Move away from safe and comfortable zones.
Face with the people and situations where you do not feel safe and do not delay facing with these things.
Do not act and improve your body language. Keep being realistic.
Do not move away from yourself while you trying to persuade others. Remember, you need to convince yourself at most.
HARMONY and OPPOSITION
Low-status people break their habits to adapt high-status people’s environment. 86 percent of women who moved away from country to a metropole have been started to wear high-heeled shoes instead of flat shoes. This is proven by studies. In order to adapt, we change not only our shoes, but we also change our ideas.
Therefore, change begins from the environment. If you want to change people's habits, you need to change their physical environment and people around them. For example, there is a lot of difference between making a sales meeting in the morning at the lakeside and doing it in an oxygen-free environment of the plaza.
You can understand whether people's habits have changed or not by looking at how much they are willing to resemble your clothing and attitude. An employee dressed in the style of corporate culture is someone willing to belong to corporate.
As a persuasion machine, you should observe how harmonious the opposing person with you. The number of those who mimic you should increase; you can notice this with similar clothing, similar seating style, tone of voice, timing, and looks.
When you first meet, protect your contradictions without being affected by the title and status while looking at how much people have aligned with your mind and body.
You must have original ideas that makes you different in the field of persuasion and interaction. Why do people follow an ordinary person? Pre-align with the groups and people who think different from what you think. Especially in the first impression do not go into a conflict and contradiction. Firstly, win the people who has resemblance with you in the group, then the leaders. If you understand when you start to feel that you need to adapt to the group, or when you need to show contradictions, you will have good achievements in the field of persuasion.
So, first be a good listener, then be the person who asks strong questions. Place, time, style, resources are important when transferring your opinions.
Do not try to win every battle. Let everyone enjoy the game by giving them small wins.
You should sell your contradictions as a different perspective and the way that successful people used. You can combine the names of successful people with your ideas. Use your mind and show the courage to be contrary.
The best example of harmony and contradiction; Tango
WEAKNESSES OF PERSUASION
Lack of persuasion continuity, (while persuading we usually give up after 5 insistence, but people usually make their decisions after 8 insistence) lack of concentration, lack of self-esteem, lack of memory, insufficient preparation, quick temper, unnecessary advice, false examples, lack of empathy, lack of excitement transfer, not to focusing 100%, unable to ask strong questions, unable to create the big picture together, not to take enough lessons from mistakes, not to convince yourself, inability to read body language, not seeing the facts lying under words, stuck between in ideas without reaching to the feelings.
When we work on it, our persuasion communication will miraculously develop, and we will be the winner.
PERSUADING GROUPS
The groups decide whether they will be convinced or not; by your qualities such as your determination, foresight, positivity, self-confidence, innovation, open-mindedness, flexibility, and result orientation!
For example, do you want to do business with someone who has done a job for 15 years, or do you want to do business with someone who has changed a sector and a company every six months? We believe in the insights of people with determination and continuity. Followers of highly confident people always increase. Thinking that these people are also innovative and respectful to the other people’s ideas. People who are flexible and result-oriented in any case leave an admiration after themselves.
Actually, influencing with what they say in the group creates a hypnosis effect. Would you like to see that people who do not agree with you are impressed by your logical and emotional explanations after a while? Then let them know your name, image and perception before you even starting to convince them. When you create interest, curiosity and mystery, people will be more willing to cooperate with you. Of course, until you show how much you care about the people in front of you and how much you care about them.
You should know how to address a group. In other words, it will be much easier for you to convince people if you act not according to where they are, but according to where they are going to be in the future.
Touch their lives to convince groups! Technology, social media, will announce your reputation so try to come face to face to convince. Keep professionalism and sincerity in a perfect balance. Use time well to make them feel that you are important. Keep your positive energy high. People always be attracted to those who are cheerful, happy and who have a goal.
While talking, describe the negativity with the advantages if there is any. Use your verbal, non-verbal communication skills more carefully.
The Amygdala
Amygdala is the system that allows you to take action with the shortest way at the moment of fear, pressure. The amygdala is responsible for the memory of emotions, especially fears. The amygdala is not activating only in actual danger, but also in potential dangers! Here, the fear of losing is actually one of the two most important motivating factors during persuasion! When you know the people well enough, you will learn that which fears they will motivate them. When you experience their fear memories, you take an important step to convincing a people.
You can motivate people with many factors such as fear of losing, lovelessness, disapproval, fear of losing money, fear of losing prestige. You may think that, what someone can do who lost his job in the past, is capable when he is about losing his job again.
“Fight or flight reflexes” instinctively exist in all vertebrates. Sympathetic nervous system increases your heart rate and breathing rate by releasing adrenaline, increases blood flow to your muscles, strengthen your reflexes and expand your pupils to prepare your body to fight or flight situation.
Moreover, you do not even notice any of them while they are happening. In stressful situations, you will feel even less pain in order to get better attention to the danger. These complex senses activate different regions of the brain, but there is a center that organizes them all: amygdala!
Have you ever noticed that you can understand what scares you when you're scared, but only after you got goose bumps? This is because the amygdala is able to handle all of these operations quickly before a danger stimulus reaches the brain regions that make up your consciousness. The amygdala receives emotional information in two different ways, short-and long-way. All emotional information first passes through the center of the brain called thalamus and reaches the amygdala directly from there: This is the short way.
The long way leads to the visual, auditory and prefrontal centers in the cortex, and then to the amygdala. The brain cortex tries to make sense of the situation by processing the information it receives, and if it detects a threat at the end of the evaluation, it informs the amygdala and provides an appropriate response. This long way makes you aware of the threat and make you realize that you have excited.
Amygdala is a system that records the negativities we experienced in the past. Therefore, when we are under pressure, we have ability to match and connect the negativities. The amygdala remembers by making contacts. So, we can make decisions about others or about past events by making connections about things, places, people.
The amygdala acts with the principle of making connections with the past events. Moreover, it forms this kind of action within few thousandths of a second.
Women have a much higher capacity to remember emotional details than men. It is important to knowing about the person you want to convince; what she/he has lived in the past, to encode future goals and to manage the moment you are in.
For this reason, you should know that people with negative perspectives and people who repeat their past problems cannot use 2/3 of their brains healthy. You must allow positive thinking and this positive thinking to win the victories.
The most important thing here is to ensure that they stay in flow, and the problems they will experience or experienced are just part of the process.
So, the way to erase the fears and negative memory in the amygdala region is keeping busy with something that puts you in a situation that you hardly have time to breathe. People tend to think about their past when they have nothing to do and when they are alone.
You must provide quality and occupation for people who you want to convince by participating them into positive social life.
THE DECISION IS YOURS
It is difficult to make decisions, especially decisions that are not usually taken. Habits are easy to do automatically. For example, you can park your car in front of your house without even thinking about it. However, the decision to buy a new house creates pressure.
Therefore, you must inspire and encourage the person you are going to persuade. At the same time, you must leave a space where she/he will enjoy her/his success. Firstly, you must provide the economy of thinking by limiting options. Secondly, you have to make them feel that they make their decisions freely.
You must think about “how?” At the moment of decision, you should offer limited options to the other people. After this, you should say “decision is yours”. So, they must think that they really took the decision by themselves and develop a responsibility system for their decision.
He/she should not feel pressure, he/she should be informed well, he/she must be able to ask questions. What you will do here is to ensure that they make decisions with their free will without being affected by others.
The word “decision is yours” is actually one of the most important metaphors in the world. Because nobody can make a decision on his/her own. Every decision we make has its own influencing factors. These factors may be such as our subconscious, our environment, conditions we are in.
People want to make their own decisions freely and they enjoy it. In fact, they even want to pay the price of their decisions by themselves! For this reason, in the process of persuading after you limited their options give them the right to decide. Make them feel that they made their decisions with their own will. And after that let them to express their own decisions. Ask them to explain their decisions by saying “decision is yours / it is up to you”.
In fact, when you say "decision is yours" you deliver a hypnotic message and promise freedom in this area.
People may not be too eager to keep the work going when they think they're not the one who is making the decisions.
Because many people live their lives the way others forced to do and as a result of that they become unhappy. They go to schools that their family wanted, they work on jobs others recommended, as a result they spend their lives with decisions that are not made by their own.
For this reason in persuasion communication you should be able to say “decision is yours” while looking into the other person’s eyes instead of saying “yes,but…”
Time pressure on large budget moments has a negative effect jobs while on small-budge moments, like campaigns and purchases it effects positively. All analytical questions should be answered when making large budget decisions. Analytical decisions are important to justify the emotions.
PERSUASION in SUPERIOR-SUBORDINATE RELATIONSHIP
One of the most important concepts in superior-subordinate relationship is your credibility and respectability. The other concept is how you convey the message, the way you say it, and most importantly when you say it. Another factor is to concentrate on the receptors in the process. How much does he/she trust you? How much does he/she respect you? How did he/she detect your message? You should receive feedback on these matters.
From superior to subordinate, there must be a communication from top to bottom where decisions and orders are communicated. And finally, there should be horizontal communication between different departments where information sharing, and coordination is provided.
Affection on the other hand is an attempt to change the attitude and behavior of the other person in a way that does not contradict their wishes and interests and in a longer period of time. In other words, you should not attempt to change the regular flow of the superior-subordinate relations, regardless of orders, feedback, comparisons, analytical reports. Tell them what you want to change but do it by spreading over time and celebrating when they succeed.
It is necessary to use persuasive communication skills with people who at the horizontal level with us instead of telling them directly what you want to do. Age, strength, gender, personality structure are important in persuasion tactics that is going to be used.
We must be extroverted, social, self-confident, understanding. We have to make other side feel that we are trustworthy, soft-hearted, cooperative. The person in front of you must see that you have an emotional balance and a carefree structure. In addition, people who use their minds, who are creative, who are forward looking and who care about others, are very successful in influencing people.
In superior-subordinate relations, you need to use these following persuasion tactics.
Rational persuasion; to convince a person, you must provide real evidences along with strong requests. Logic must always justify the person and group in front of you.
While doing this, you must be inspiring to them and, create constant excitement for one's ideals and dreams. You should also make new confidence-building suggestions and proposals that they will achieve this.
Negotiation and Consulting; You should create a habit system that facilitates their lives by taking into account their interests and suggestions.
As a superior or subordinate, person in front of you should like you and should find you attractive. This will always create a positive mood. Before you do anything with your personal attractiveness, approach them with friendliness and loyalty.
Cooperation: seek help of others and present a reason to deal with to other employees when you are trying to persuade someone. Convey the message of “that many people cannot be wrong”
Present legal basis. Describe your wishes with company policies, rules and company traditions.
One of the things to consider here is which techniques are often used by managers to influence their subordinates. The other one is the harmony between the personalities of managers and the persuasion tactics that they used. So, it will not be effective to tell others about an argument that you never use in your life. Because people look what you do, not what you say.
What can we do to be both successful and happy with the people we spend the longest time of day together? One should not be obedient to his superiors while he/she acts bad and incriminating to his/her subordinates. One should be able to behave at the same level as his/her superiors and his/her subordinates.
Earn the right to ask questions!
If you had the right to ask one question to one person, what would you ask? If you care about every question like this, people will listen and respect you more.
The two most critical factors in persuasion is; activating people with very strong questions and being a very good listener, no matter how pointless what others told it may seem to you.
We have talked about the “strong question patterns” section earlier. First of all, you should have solution-oriented and inspirational questions that will help you in your new and constantly developing relationships.
The more motivating and stimulating your questions, more you will have right to ask questions.
Do not forget people will always stay away from you if your questions are negative, suggestive and judgmental.
One of the most important reasons for people being isolated in social media is that they want to avoid unnecessary/unwanted advice from others.
To have a right to ask a question, you must make them fell that you ask few questions, and you ask them only when you saw it is necessary. To start asking questions make them feel that you're a very good listener. Don't ask questions by interrupting. Attract attention with a motivating word before your question. For example, when the other person is finished his/her speak you can draw attention to yourself by saying “great!”. The questions will be much more effective when everyone is focused on you and their perceptions are clear.
Gaining the right to ask questions is actually gaining confidence. It means entering their comfort zone. So, do not be impetuous about it. Let your partner ask you questions, share secrets, and do not use shocking questions until you form an interaction with he/she.
Start with questions that inspiring, motivating, and make them aware of themselves. One of the best ways to earn the right to ask questions is having friends to sell you, to convey other people your expertise and knowledge about the subject.
A diagnosis is requested against a disease and you are introduced to the world's most gifted doctor. Now you have the right to ask any questions you want. After that, it depends on your communication skills and instant interaction.
A person's intelligence indicator is proportional to the quality of the questions he/she asks. Asking questions means revealing your qualifications and showing your confidence.
Ask open ending questions and keep your questions limited with only one sentence. How can we increase efficiency? If you were in this situation, how would you behave? If the company were yours, what would you do better, what would you never do?
Talk less when you ask questions. Develop sub-questions related to the main questions. So you can easily access their subconscious data. Your questions must not be aggressive, blaming and aimed for a problem.
Thank them for answers. Because sincerity will always motivate the person in front of you.
RESPONDING A QUESTION WITH ANOTHER QUESTION
When someone ask a question, it may be necessary to respond the question with another question. But you need to be careful about this. Especially when men are under pressure, they do this to buy some time, to hide something. However, this type of behavior affects negatively persuasion communication.
When you respond a question with another question, your goal should be getting information or improving the topic.
So, when a customer asks, “is not this expensive” you can ask them right away “based on what”. The goal here is not buying some time. Because hereby you learn what the other person’s concept of expensive, and what they know about the prices and products/services that has been sold.
While responding a question with another question, you need to focus on the other person, and you should be aware of the problem. To go out of the subject, to confuse responding a question with another question is a very common situation. However, the actions of people in this situation immediately show up and this will damage communication.
You should not consider responding a question with another question as the best defensive-offensive approach. Because the most important factor in persuasion is to be sustainable. You need to develop your question asking and improve developing sub-question skills quickly.
The person who asks the questions takes over the control at communication. To take over the control of the persuasion communication, you should pre-set all the questions that could have been asked and answer them answer them without being asked. This prevents the other person from taking over the control.
You can develop a new persuasion technique by asking yourself the potential questions. For example; assume that your customer said your price is too high. You can say “yes it is expensive but this is because of its quality and higher standards”. Or you will have the opportunity to reveal your strong sides.
CLARITY AND UNCERTAINTY
Life has indefinite uncertainties. There will be uncertainty in every action that has been taken. In the process of persuasion, you have to tell this to the other person or people.
So, it is not wise to give 100% guarantees to convince, and promising that there will be no problems. Instead, it is necessary to express the possible uncertainty and explain what could have done together against it. Because when the result is achieved, the other person will know that he/she involved the success.
Thus, they will trust you more in future situations. For example, you can tell the investor who buys a house, how to overcome the risks together, rather than promising high returns in a short period of time.
Uncertainty is how much a person uses the word “I wish” in the future. I wish I didn't, I wish I didn't know you!
Pay attention to the language of the people you are interacting with! How much they use “wish”, “probably”, “we will see about that”, “yes,but…” words. Those who use these words always have some uncertainty in their minds. Such people need clarity, positive thinking much more than other people.
For some people, even the worst result is better than uncertainty. How? Imagine a person who lost child and his wife, thinks that at least they must have got a grave by the time passes and the probability of being found decreased. In fact, this motto is valid for every stage of human life.
A project which finish date is not clear, an agreement that constantly changes the rules, a partner that changes his/her mood constantly gives anxiety in life.
Continuous uncertainties create a feeling of being tested in people. This pressure destroys inner motivation and peace. That is precisely why people seek clarity in communication of persuasion. However, our mind perceives a problem with something that is so easy. You have to make your customer’s lives easier while determining the clarity in their lives. You must create options to reduce their energy consumption by making them feel that they are leader in the game.
In other words, in overcoming uncertainties, in reaching clarity, you should make the person in front of you feel that he/she is taking his/her decisions freely.
While doing that first inspire, motivate, then talk with them about challenges, then limit their options about solution finally tell them “the decision is yours”.
STAYING IN THE FLOW
If you have strong reasons, you will not believe your potential in the field of persuasion. Keep your desires alive by activating your emotions and imagination. Then sort the logical justifications. After that follow these justifications.
Persuasion wants you to stay in the flow. You should keep updating what you do. There is no way that an athlete can stop training and not go to a game because of his/her one mistake. Your mind also be in the flow otherwise, you will be out of the system.
People in flow focus on their goals. In order to achieve their goals, they think of the result they will achieve instead of negativity. They enjoy mostly while managing the process. Because flow is the best teacher. Think of it as follows: you're telling a customer about a product that he/she did not use before. You must listen patiently their objections and answer their questions repeatedly. When you know that all the difficulties in the process are natural in the process of flow, your power of challenge will increase.
Being in flow is like a tennis player focusing on his opponent and the ball. The player gains this ability to focus with his/her mental and physical exercises. It is impossible for a tennis player to stop training and it is also impossible for a pianist to give a concert without practicing a lot.
For that reason;
Water dripping day by day wears the hardest rock away. The trick is the continuity.
Staying in the flow in the field of persuasion will allow you to focus on one spot. After a certain period, you will understand that how long you should insist and when you should give up.
Remember that your perceptions should always be clear in the process of persuasion. Sometimes insisting could close the other doors. When you focus on the persuasion process, always focus on the outcome and what, how and when you get it.
People in the flow constantly give feed backs to themselves. They are aware of what they are doing, because the flow should not be involuntary.
In persuasion communication, it is not thinkable that discussion and ego be able to win.
People with high energy are people who don't give up the flow. Flow means living the moment. To persuade, influence, and to maintain continuity, you need to stay in the flow. There is no stopping, losing and postponing for the people who stays in the flow. Flow means that to continue until get what you want. Thinking about failing in persuasion cuts the flow. You can give up the person, event and place you believe in when it is necessary. However, you do not give up the flow or the persuasion.
For people in flow, there are no past mistakes and future concerns. Only the present. This allows you to focus, transcend your ego and become a part of what you are doing.
When you immerse yourself in the flow situation, you define it; as joy, pleasure, creativity and process.
While you are in the flow, you focus on what you are doing in a tangibly way without distractions. If you are in the flow while persuading someone, your mind will not focus anything else than persuasion. The flow is mysterious, more you stay in the flow, closer you get to the outcome. So, if you think your mind like your muscles you know that how your muscles develop as you push them.
Staying in flow is a process that you do not want to lose. Only way to not achieving your goals in persuasion is giving up from persuading. Sometimes you can change the people who you want to convince. Sometimes you can update the subject that you're going to convince. Leaving the flow means "I cannot do it; I should not insist.” and this also means; losing.
The flow will keep your body and your mind young. The flow will give you the pleasure of struggling.
STRONG CAUSES
William Shakespeare says; “powerful causes create powerful actions!”. Great sentence. The stronger causes you have, the stronger actions you will have.
If you have strong reasons to persuade yourself, then you will have strong actions to convince yourself and others. You are driving and suddenly you see another car coming up to you. You have a very strong reason; to take an action; which is being able to survive.
The reason people do not have strong causes is because of their unquestioned habits. The brain wants to save energy. Unquestioned cases do not cause discomfort. You need strong questions and strong reasons to motivate people into action.
These powerful reasons must be found and express themselves with their own words by the people in front of you. And they should also write these reasons. Because writing means commitment with two times. To ask for commitment by writing in the process of persuasion means synchronizing the mind and body.
Who can give powerful reasons to others and convince them about it? It would be very useful if people who did this were role models and experienced in this field. You should know that someone who can lists hundreds of powerful causes to quit smoking, but who uses cigarettes, can't have an impact.
In persuasion your message should be "Me and many others have succeeded, you can do it too”. This will be much more impressive. You can be an example to finish a project, to graduate from a good school, to start a new job, to leave a bad habit, to manage the time better.
In short, people will be more interested in what you do and how you do rather than what you told. Instead of listening to someone never has a start-up history, listening to someone who has fought hard and then succeeded in this area will have a higher impact.
Now, first, how can you convince yourself to do a discovery every 90 days? What are your strong reasons if you want to discover new people, new places every 90 day?
Can you write it to yourself in 10 articles?
How do you convince others to cooperate with you on a project? Which strong reasons would you share if you would get 16 hours a month for 4 hours a week unpaid?
Can you write 10 articles?
BONUS
Do not offer too many options. While we are convincing, our job is simplicity and simpleness! Too many options have a negative effect on decision-making. People look at how they've behaved in the past in complex situations. They can ask someone else they trust; they can run away and postpone. Or they could completely stop communication with you. Think like this; you are planning to meet with someone, and you suggest 6 different time to the other person. Of course, he/she will be confused and will not be able to decide. Instead if you suggest a dinner on Friday at 8pm or Saturday at 7 pm; your suggestion will be accepted easier.
NOTICE THE RESISTANCE!
To being approved and to be appreciated one of the most important motivation sources of people. Imagine a friend of yours made a diet, exercise, and lost weight after a tough time. You're aware of change. A wonderful change, you ask “how did you do that”. You can tell how happy your friend is with just looking into her eyes.
There is no difference between appreciating this and appreciating the resistance in persuasion communication!
When they say they will never accept your offer, in the process of persuasion, respect their resistance. However, never give up. Every change begins with a counteraction. Every response is an awareness on the way of accepting. This is similar to appealing on sale. You know, if the customer does not object, does not ask questions, it is difficult to sell.
Consider resistance and objections are elements of process of learning and showing interest.
MAKE LIST OF VICTORY
If you have small successes to convince yourself and the people in front of you, make a list of victories to keep them alive that will motivate you at any time. If you think that your reading is not good enough and if you've managed to read 50 pages of books every day for a week, reward yourself. Share this with others.
The list of victory will erase your past negativity. Victory list will ensure that others can reach you and yourself also. People who think that they are always failing interrupt the interaction in order to create a mystery. The flow of people who think that they are successful is much healthier. This list will allow you to be more determined and achieve greater success.
The list of victory will make you feel special. It will give you more inspiration for works with time pressures. You would become more motivated with clear and precise goals.
You can use the list of victory not just for yourself, but for the people in your social life. Start rewarding your little achievements, writing them, sharing them on social media. When you enjoy yourself enough, you will start to share the success of your friends also.
In this way, you will inspire and develop cooperation. Moreover, the number of people touching will increase as you start to share their victory lists.
You can put this into your strategical business plan.
Subconscious
Our subconscious executes an idea whenever it accepts the idea. From that moment on, it begins to use all its resources and potential. This principle applies to positive and negative ideas. When you believe that it will not happen, the subconscious tries to find out the ways of how it cannot happen. When you believe that it will happen, then your subconscious will focus on how it is going to happen.
Everything is getting worse
I will never get an outcome
I can't see the way out
The situation is hopeless
I do not know what to do
Everything is got tangled
The subconscious does not cooperate with you when you use these statements. Think about it; you get in a taxi and you tell the taxi driver a lot of different directions. The cabbie gets confused, he/she doesn't want to take you anywhere.
The subconscious also works like this, you should have clear ideas in your mind. When you believe and repeat them, you will be much more successful in getting positive results. When you reach the verdict, you gather your mind and live what you believe.
First, show how subconscious operates to the people who do not know and make them take the right decisions and ask them to do so without stopping. Use your imagination instead of willpower and help others to use their imagination.
Use clear statements about your beliefs. Avoid phrases such: "I hope it works; I wish I could". Be aware that difficult conditions are a temporary throughout whole process. Look to events from where you want to be, not from where you are already.
You can think of the results you want to when you get into bed. Because in sleep, consciousness is withdrawn and our subconscious is active. Subconscious’s highest level of performance is when it is just before sleep and immediately after awakening. In these periods, negative thoughts cannot be manifested in the subconscious.
If you keep your imagination strong during this period, even if you put the imagination of others into play in this period, you will get what you want more easily. Notes for reading while they are sleeping, voices to listening, messages they receive when they wake up in the morning will keep their faith alive.
Sometimes excessive effort, anxiety and fears put pressure on your wishes, your dreams! Relaxation solves the job. Leaving some events flow allows you to relax and keep your subconscious open.
THE STRENGTH OF THE STORY AND THE BRAIN
A story is the facts encircled with emotions. Stories are not a substitute for analytical thinking, complementing it by allowing us to imagine with a new perspective.
The effect of stories is about getting to be synchronized. Stories activate mirror neurons.
It allows one to solve the tendency of others. (Provides a point of visual vision)
It allows you to adopt someone else's conceptual point of view. (It develops the idea of "I'm aware of your intention, look for once from my point of view")
It allows you to see yourself through the eyes of others, to provide awareness.
Especially when you tell a story through the reasons in the first and second clauses, the person in front of you can be synchronized with what you tell through the listening mirror neurons or puts herself/himself into a role in the story. Wondering the end of the story or find something that is different from his/her own point of view, connects the story with the hero. This bond is also interesting because it is a bond that touches emotion, it stays in mind and arouses curiosity.
In this age, when we reach information, data and analysis very quickly and easily, concepts such as left-brain logic, result, being analytical are developing rapidly. However, we need to make room for features of the right brain such as; creativity, spiritual satisfaction and finding a mean.
This is where the stories give us meaning. They provide us to add meaning to ourselves and to others' lives, enables us to present new perspectives and express different forms.
For this reason, many global, local brands and people reflected storytelling with their brands. We know hundreds of design process stories like Apple, Steve Jobs stories, Oprah Winfrey, Porsche.
Use patterns to create a story effect.
Imagine, feel and use router expressions to visualize.
Describe the details;
Whenever the sun goes down in Izmir, it downs like it doesn't want to. The redness slowly moves away when it turns out all the blueness.
It doesn’t want to give away it’s brightness, holds on more tightly to day
that is why it gives us pleasure to watch
It takes like a wine slowly fades away in roof of the mouth...
While the winds slowly blow if you have tea and narghile then you have nothing to worry about...
Depiction: The golden lights of the sun floated with sweet sweetness and joy among the often-dark green leaves of pine trees.
The magic theere: “I came, saw, and I beat” etc.
Metaphor: “Hardworking like ants” etc.
The doubling: "continuously, wholesome, extremely white" etc.
WHO ARE NOT EASY TO PERSUADE!
Some people tend to reject the authorities when they face information and situations that are contrary to their belief, even if the information is not proven by the sources they trust.
For example, a person who is doing agriculture 40 years, in the same way, finds out a very good new technique, even in the same region by someone else applied and the result may not believe even when shown. Because change is worrisome. Especially the fear of loss prevents a new action.
In fact, such people have a tendency to hold on their past attitudes when it is harder to change. They can pass from the passive resistance to the active resistance and they may deteriorate you elsewhere.
To know who is not convinceable you should know how much change in their lives they had and their environmental factors. People who do not like differences, who are close themselves physically, mentally and emotionally interactions, those who prefer to live with few people will not be easily convinced.
If you really need to convince these types of people, make them feel like you need their ideas, you would like to learn and you are feeling curious. Have him/her see you as the convinced party. Talk about their experiences, achievements and what they do. Tell him you need help. Move slowly, adjust!
Ask yourself this question, should I really separate my energy into this person? Being an expert in persuasion does not mean that you have to be the one who convinces everyone. Make the connection between your results and the energy you will give!
This person may be one of your family or could be your co-worker or manager. Could be also a customer or a customer candidate.
Very interestingly, a customer may not be buying any other product from your company other than the one he/she is using. You can develop a model of persuasion by taking the first product as a reference. A prospective customer may not want to work with you even though he/she knows that the other firm is more expensive. He/she may not accept the logical information you make.
What you have to decide is what you're losing with the energy you give to win this customer. Another factor you need to know as a persuasion expert; there is no obligation to convince everyone. However, it must be admitted that you are satisfying your ego while persuading a stubborn person.
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